


we can hurt together

by skam2607



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Actor Isak, Alternate Universe, Angst, Director Even, Even is bipolar but stable, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, I'll add more tags, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Multi, Mutual Pining, Sonja and Emma are not a big part of the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-15 04:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skam2607/pseuds/skam2607
Summary: Isak is an actor and Even is a director. They both worked together in a film which also launched them. They are friends but Even wants to be more than friends. Isak does too but is afraid and insecure.





	1. what do you want?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic ever and it was supposed to be much smaller but I got carried away. Please be kind to me but constructive criticism is always welcome.

"So, you still aren't ready for me?"

"I have told you so many time before, Even. If you want to hook up I am so ready for you. I've been ready for it since the very first day I saw you. But nothing more."

" why, Isak? Take the plunge. Trust me. I am going to try my best not to hurt you ever. I don't want to be just a hook up. I want more...so much more."

" and I can't give more."

It was the same discussion they have been having for the last two years. The words and phrasing may have changed but the essence remained the same.

Isak didn't know what he had that Even wanted so much. 

He was not a person who gave love to others. He was polite and that's about it. He would listen to music and play games on his phone rather than enjoy human interactions.

He would give interviews and smile politely at his fans. He would give autographs and take selfies and that's it. He never attended big page three parties and that's why there were zero to none rumours about him dating anyone or any rumour whatsoever.

He hooked up with guys but mostly with closet cases so everything would stay behind close doors and not become the topic of gossip blogs.

He was out to his friends and family but that's it.It wasn't the fear of being ridiculed by or hatred from homophobes that stopped him from coming out publicly.

No. 

The reason was very simple. He was a very private person and also nobody ever asked him about his sexual orientation in any of the interviews and he never volunteered.

As far as the media was concerned he was the young actor who wanted to focus on his career and had zero interest in pursuing love interests.

He was very happy with it and wanted to stay it this way only.

He had a handful of friends and they have been there since middle school. He never needed new friends. He was content with Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus, Eva and Sana. Off course his friends didn't think like that. So over the years they brought new people with them and Isak accepted them.

That's how he got Noora, Vilde and Eskild.

The only new person he allowed inside his heart himself was Even.

Even Bech Næsheim. The handsome and tall guy with the kindest soul and the warmest heart. Even with the most beautiful mind he has ever came across in his 24 years of life. Even who has the most genuine smile. Even who was known as the 'young and sensational Director with some peculiar traits'. Even who gave him his first break in the industry. Even who made him a celebrity among the youth.

Even who became the only person to refuse his body alone and wanted his soul too.

Its not that people never pursued him. They did but he never gave them anything more than his body. Some called him heartless.

Some were more than happy with what they got. But he himself never questioned it.

Sure, He felt empty and needed intimacy from time to time. But he would repress these feelings and send a text and after an hour or two when he would get to his release he would imagine that all other desires were getting out of his body too and it would work for a while.

Although, his brain was getting smarter about it and the duration between hook ups was getting shorter every time. As far as the release was concerned there were other ways to find especially in the age of the internet. 

But the need to touch and be touched and to feel the skin of other human being would always compel him to seek it outside.

He knew it wasn't healthy and sustainable. 

But he never could gather the courage to find more by losing some of him.

So he lived romance through the characters he played on the screen. He lived love stories through movies he watched.

He would often think about future. He was young now so many people wanted him. But what about when he won't have the beauty and prowess of the youth.

But these thoughts have only arrived in his mind after he met Even. He would often daydream about the perfect domestic life with Even. A family of his own.

These thoughts would scare him as well as leave him empty afterwards. 

He was sure he would hurt Even in that life because he isn't capable of loving and giving and Even who deserved all the love because he was so full of love himself. On some days, He would look at Isak with so much love that Isak's heart would break and then he would avoid Even for a while.

An ugly part of him wanted Even to always be like this.  
It made him somewhat happy that Even wanted him so much. But a bigger part of him would break everytime he saw heartbreak written all over Even's face whenever he came across their friends telling another story of Isak hooking up with someone.

His friends have become friends with Even too over the time and being the friendly person Even was, he accepted everyone with all his heart. 

Though he had once confessed to Isak in the haze of beer and weed that initially he hung out with his friends only to get them on his side so they could persuade Isak to give him a chance. 

But by the time he realized that his friends more than wanted them to be together and it was Isak himself who was the the biggest hurdle in their relationship, Even had already taken a liking to them and soon he became the permanent member of their group.

He was at Even's house attending the private 27th birthday party thrown by the girls when Even asked this question again. 

And being the coward he was, he gave the same answer again. 

Even just gave him a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.

They were standing too close to each other and if he had the courage he could take Even's hand into his own and everything would be okay. 

Even would be so happy. But he knew he was not the right person to make that happiness last for a long time. Soon his insecurities would come to surface and Even would be the first to get hurt.

He had seen it happening once.

After the release of their first film,which also introduced Isak as an actor and Even as a director, Even expressed his attraction to Isak and they slept together.

They both knew about their mutual crushes but they never acted upon them as long as they worked together. 

He can still remember the look of pure joy on Even's face after their first kiss and he can also remember this look turning into the look of utter sadness on the same night. 

They were lying together in bed covered in sweat and post orgasmic glow and Even's hand was in his hair. He was lazily tugging on his curls and smiling by himself probably thinking about how ridiculous they looked.

Isak had an idea about the extent of Even's feelings and that's why he was intent on never sleeping with him but Even looked so hot that day that he stopped thinking with his brain for a minute and his dick took over the control. 

But he still hoped that Even would understand. So he disentangled himself from Even. Even explicitly showed his dislike to the loss of the skin to skin contact but remained silent. It was when Isak started wearing his pants that Even spoke.

" Spend the night here and I'll make you breakfast in the morning and you don't even have work tomorrow anyway so maybe we'll continue this. But don't worry. Tomorrow night I will take you on the nicest dinner date ever. I am planning to do this very right." He was nervous and trying his hard to not show it.

" nah! I'll go. We shouldn't cross the boundary of a casual hook up and also give the tabloids a chance to write shit about us. But you can call me again and..." Isak stopped mid way in his sentence and the process of wearing his shirt when he saw the expressions on Even's face.

"What?" Asked Even in a voice so small that something broke inside Isak's heart.

" What do you mean by a casual hook up? Its not a casual hook up, Isak . I like you and I want more here. I want to date you. I want you to be my boyfriend. When have i ever given you any indication that i don't want more. Please tell me you are just pulling my leg." 

His voice rose in volume as did he from the bed and now was standing right in front of Isak.

Isak hated himself right in that moment and still does for what he did next. 

" No, Even. For me it is just a hook up. When have i ever given any indication that i wanted more. I don't want anything more." 

He was angry but he wasn't angry at Even. No. He was angry at himself.

Even was always serious about his desires. Whenever someone joked about them being cute and cozy together or Even taking advantage of his actor, Even would always say with utmost sincerity that he never would take advantage. He would date Isak and may be more. Everybody would just laugh and forget about it but Isak knew how serious Even was being. 

That is why he was so determined to never sleep with Even. Isak knew he never should have thought with his dick. But now the damage was done. 

" Are you kidding me right now? I have seen it in your eyes, Isak. You have feelings for me. I did not imagine them. What are you so afraid of?" The words felt like a sob when they came out of Even's mouth. His eyes were teary.

Isak could not look him in the eye anymore so he took the coward's way and turned his back to him while putting on his shoes. 

" I don't know what you are talking about. I find you attractive and I like you as a person but that's about it. Nothing more." He said with his eyes cast downwards on his shoes the entire time as he fumbled to tie the shoelaces.

When he dared to look at Even, he was still at the same place looking heartbroken. Isak could not look for more than a few seconds so he pretended to look for his phone but Even's eyes were following him around the room. 

" Let's not ruin our relationship over this, Even. We can have sex again if you want without unnecessary feelings involved. But I can not give you anything more than this." He looked at Even who was still at the same spot but his eyes were wet now. 

"Don't do this." Said Even in a voice so small that Isak would have missed it if he was not moving forward towards him.

Isak placed one hand over Even's shoulder and another on his face. " I am sorry, Even. Call me when you understand that this is the right way."

He kissed Even goodbye and left while Even struggled to hold onto his hands as long as possible. 

He knew he has hurt the only man he has ever had feelings for so he cried on the way home. 

He wished Even would understand and call him. He still wanted to have sex with Even now that he knew what it was like to have sex with the person you actually have feelings for. He wanted to relive those moments again and again.

But Even never called to say that he understood it. So that was the first and only time that they slept together.

They remained friends. They hung out alone and with their friends. They stole glances at each other and sometimes sat too close.

Sometimes in the cover of dim lights and their friends being passed out , they would hold hands and let their hands roam around on each other's bodies as they shared the limited space on the couch.

Sometimes they woke up snuggling on the couch together after long nights of talking and drinking but nothing more. 

Isak figured it was what they both needed. He probably needed it more than Even but they never acknowledged it openly. Sometimes one would stop the other from breaking their unspoken agreement whenever the need of physical contact would start to overpower them. 

But apart from that one particular and usual conversation they never talked about their relationship, neither with each other nor with their friends.

Isak had long ago realized and accepted that he was in love with Even but also that he will never be able to give as much love in return as much he would get from Even and Even deserved all the love possible. 

So he stayed away no matter how much his heart and his dick desired Even. 

If it was Even's face he was imagining when he fucked some random guy in his bed, or if it was Even's mouth he imagined wrapped around his dick, nobody had to know. 

This was his secret, one that he hoped to keep with him forever.


	2. Friends break up too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even meets Sonja and Evak decide to take a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got too excited and couldn't wait... What can I say except that I have no life. LOL

Isak Valtersen, the "coldhearted bitch" as described by his latest hook up (who wanted to cuddle and spend the night now that this was their third week together but Isak wanted him gone already), didn't become like this because of some personal tragedy alone. It was a complex amalgamation of nature and nurture that resulted in him making a bundle of insecurities and self doubt when it came to love.

He wished to not be like this but no matter how hard he tried, he often came across as rude and arrogant to strangers and emotionless to those who knew him a bit. So he stopped trying.

His friends loved and accepted him and that was enough.

As a kid also, he always liked to be alone. When other kids would play and push each other in muddy playgrounds, he would sit in a corner either with a videogame or a comic book.

As a growing grumpy teenager, he watched the marriage of his parents fall apart bitterly. Their constant fights which always included harsh and cold words for each other and the blame that the one ruined the life of the other. It took a toll on his views on human relationships.

After their divorce, his parents just didn't leave each other, they left Isak too. Each eager to go into the world and reclaim the years they lost on the other, a teenager was someone neither of them wanted. Not that Isak wanted them too considering the shit show they turned his life into. So he now literally and figuratively was alone. He pushed his friends away too.

It didn't help that he was a closeted teenager who crushed often on his straight friends and despite knowing from the start that he would never get the same sentiment in return he still felt heartbroken whenever they kissed girls. 

The first relationship he had was with an older, closeted married man and it lasted a while. He became the mistress and Isak never actually minded the arrangement. He was more than happy to stay a secret. That meant his sexuality will stay secret but he would get the pleasure out of it with zero responsibility, exactly what he needed to maneuver through high school and his broken home life. 

There wasn't a big coming out moment for him. On his 18th birthday, he told Jonas and Eva. They just smiled and thanked Isak for trusting them enough to tell them. Isak later realized that they may have known this already but he didn't try to confirm it.

After that, in some other quiet moments he told Magnus and the others. Everyone was cool with it and nobody ever looked at him any different. That's when he realized that he will never need new friends.

He never was super interested into acting but one of his 'boyfriend' was a photographer and he told him that he had a good face and body and he could be a model. He needed cash so he started modelling. He liked the camera and the camera liked him too. It was a successful endeavour for him. 

After some time he got interested in acting and later also started attending acting school. Acting came naturally to him or as some of his fellow colleagues told him. He never actually saw himself as great, just tolerable enough and found faults in his work always.

He just accepted projects that somehow resonated with him and brought out his best or he might have gotten lucky, he never knew.

He actually was not supposed to audition for "Underwater", Even's movie but Jonas forced him to go and that's how he became Adrian Eksett, Even's Adrian. It was a small budget and limited release movie but it took the industry by the storm and later it became the internet sensation.

Adrian was everything Isak wasn't. He was a proud and openly gay man who loved loud and epic. He expressed every desire and didn't let his insecurities come in his way. 

Isak just channelled his deep buried desire to be like Adrian and poured his heart into the role. Critics praised it and public adored it. Even said it was what he wanted his Adrian to be like.

Its only this character that he is proud of playing and feels like he did justice with Adrian.

Other roles didn't become this close to his heart. It may be because of Even but nobody actually needs to know that.

The success of the movie and his portrayal of Adrian gave him the recognition and some freedom to chose his later projects and so far it is smooth sailing.

He isn't the most famous actor there is but he is known and somehow producers want him.

But he still doesn't know if he wants to continue it. He doesn't know if he plans to stay in the industry forever. He is just drifting with the current for now. He is not passionate like Even when it comes to movies. For now it is just a way to earn money and live a comfortable life.

He never liked attention and being in the limelight. If one was to ask him whether he accepted "Underwater" because he thought Even was hot, Isak probably would say yes.

Isak once told Even about his disinterest in pursuing his acting career further and Even in a serious tone scolded him for wasting his talent and not working to reach up to his full potential. But Isak still is conflicted and he figures that he will always be.

Isak met Sonja for the first time on his 25th birthday party. She had come as Even's date. Even never told him before about her but he said that they have been dating for a few months now.

The ugly part of his heart was angry and jealous but bigger part of him was happy that Even was moving on. He somehow felt relieved that he no longer would feel guilty now whenever he will have sex with someone.  
It wasn't entirely true but the guilt lessened a bit.

Now there were some other issues arrived. His imagination now always wandered to Even whenever he got intimate with someone.

He once may have slipped Even's name once or twice at the peak of his arousal and in between rough thrusts but the other guy, Julian was too worked up himself to notice.

He doesn't hate Sonja, not really. She is beautiful, smart and perceptive but after her arrival Even has become less available to him. He knows its normal and a rational part of him thinks that this means Even is moving on but sometimes in the dead of a cold night his heart started doing a thing. He'd sometimes shed tears and cry himself to sleep.

He doesn't know why its happening though. Is he crying because he misses his friend or because of the fear that Even might realise that he never loved and wanted Isak in the first place and he'd lose the only person who wanted more from him despite all the bullshit Isak gave him.

"I miss you."

He told Even on a night when Even showed up at his door with beer and weed, an usual phenomenon in the past which was now slowly becoming a rarity and Dear God if Isak didn't feel the loss.

"I miss you too" whispered Even while looking at the wall. 

"We don't hang out anymore. Why, Even?" Isak whined like a bratty kid.

Even didn't say anything for a while. 

"I told Sonja about us and she thinks it is best for everyone involved if we spend less time together."

Isak looked at Even not knowing how to process this. He had no idea what expressions were on his face but if his now fast beating heart and the sick feeling in his stomach was any indication it must have been horror.

Even must have saw it and he looked at Isak with eyes full of love, a look which in the past scared Isak but now he realised, he longed for it.

"Isak! Don't worry. I am not gonna completely cut you off. I have this need to see you once in a while and I don't think it'll ever go away but if I want my relationship with Sonja to work then I do have to give her the satisfaction that she is the most important person in my life and after knowing everything she doesn't believe so."

"So... Is this supposed to be some kind of goodbye?"

Isak really didn't want to know the answer to this knowing it probably would hurt him but the masochist in him still asked the question. 

Even kept his eyes fixed downwards into his lap and the silence that followed gave Isak his answer.

Both men stayed silent for a while. 

Isak could feel the of tears in his eyes but he refused to shed them. He didn't want to make Even feel guilty for choosing his own happiness.

"I have a new project lined up. Its for a web series and its in Copenhagen. I am leaving in two weeks and Sonja is going with me. I think it will be good for our relationship." Even still wasn't looking at him.

"That's good, Even. I am happy for you" and he really was. Heartbroken too but Even didn't need to know it.

"offcourse I am going to miss free beer and weed but I'll just have to hang out with Jonas some more" he tried to make the situation lighter but the chuckle was forced and Even noticed it right away because he was now looking him in the eyes and his eyes were wet.

"Isak..." 

"No... Its okay, Even. I am gonna be okay and you are gonna be okay. Just call me once in a while so that I'll know that you are alive...don't mess with your routine much and keep your medicine regime intact and you will be great and soon you'll be back... When will you be back anyway ?" Isak realised Even never told him this.

Even just looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Isak saw the dread coming on his face. Even again averted his eyes when he said that it's a long duration project.

"Yeah...but how much time?"

"6-7 months or more depending upon the success of the series."

" You are going for that long." It wasn't a question and Even didn't give an answer.

Awkward silence took over them and Isak realized that in the entirety of their relationship this was the first time it was happening.

They always just connected and conversations never stopped even when they were silent. They conversed with words and also with stolen glances and gazes that lingered on each other.

The touches they shared in the haze of weed and alcohol, the not so innocent hand holdings and the cuddles never became awkward even though they never really talked about them.

When they met first time after that fateful night, it was after two weeks of radio silence and yet they didn't feel awkwardness. Perhaps both of them realised from where the other was coming. They also recognized their need to be in the vicinity of each other. So with a small nod they conveyed their resolutions to each other and moved past it, as much it was possible to anyway.

This was new and Isak knew Even sensed it too.

Even looked at Isak and for the first time Isak couldn't decipher all the emotions hidden in Even's eyes. 

He could always do that before. This realization made him panic. Was he losing Even or has he already lost him? What was Sonja doing to him that he no longer was the same beautiful man Isak fell for and recognized. He felt the anxiety rising and his abandonment issues came to the surface roaring.

"Feels like we are breaking up" Isak couldn't hide his sadness but he thought Even needed to know that he wasn't okay with him gone.

Even gave a small chuckle.

" Is it breaking up when we never actually were together in the first place?"

"Friends break up too, asshole". said Isak with a tone of mockery but it still came out serious and sad.

" We are never going to break up. We are like soulmates. Beside you can always come visit me and we will skype. This is the 21st century, Isak and keeping long distance relationship is actually possible. So... Tell me. Will you be my long distance friend?"

Even was now grinning and his eyes were shining with mischief and Isak could not believe that idiot. Here he was physically forcing himself not to cry and Even was joking. He was such a dork.

"I think its better if we broke up. I don't want to be friends with a dork. I have a reputation to maintain. I am a coldhearted bitch and they don't need friends anyway" said Isak jokingly in a pitiful attempt to keep the mood light and also to make the 'break up' easier. 

"You are not a coldhearted bitch, Isak and don't ever listen to anybody who says this" Even was serious now.

"Jesus! It was a joke. And I am a coldhearted bitch. Why do you think nobody sticks with me for long?"

"Because you don't let them stay. You have the same group of friends since middle school. They stayed, didn't they? I am staying. Because the people who stayed are only those you let..."

"Okay, Freud! Stop psychoanalyzing me" Isak had to cut Even's rant as it was right and also because it might take the conversation to a place where he'd probably have to face certain questions.

He still was a coward and he still wanted to avoid answering the questions as to why he broke Even's heart and why he kept breaking it over and over.

Even again gave him the same smile he always gave after they'd have their usual conversation. It was a sad smile that never reached his eyes. He hated that smile on Even's face.

"Can I get a good-bye kiss at least?" Isak had no idea why these words left his mouth before he could even realise what he was saying. But he was desperate to have something, anything.

Even looked confused for a few seconds but then he gave a small nod which made Isak lean into him and Even mirrored his actions.

Initially, their lips met just for a second and they broke apart again. They looked at each other for the following few seconds then again leaned into each other.

Even bit and pulled on his lips demanding access and he didn't deny it. Even plunged his tongue into his mouth as soon as he got the access. Isak let Even take whatever he wanted.

Isak put his one hand into Even's hair as did Even. Isak's other hand was on Even's side and Even's other hand was now on his lower back and lifting his shirt there to roam around on the naked skin. It was Even's habit perhaps because last time they kissed Even did the same. 

Isak felt something warm in his stomach when he remembered this particular detail.  
He'd sometimes get scared thinking he forgot about their night together but this detail made sure that he hasn't and probably would never.

The kiss soon became heated. It was desperate, rough and sloppy. Isak placed his hand on Even's thigh and started moving it up and down slowly. Even made an approving sound which dissolved into Isak's mouth.

They broke apart gasping for air but neither of them opened their eyes and soon their lips found each other again. Even was now moving forward and pushing Isak back into the couch. 

Without disconnecting their mouths, they were maneuvering to get comfortable with their bodies now pressed against each other. Isak arched his back pressing more into Even's body, desperate to get closer.He was painfully hard and Even was no better.

Their crotches were now rubbing against each other and the motion and friction quenched his thirst for contact as it made him thirsty for more contact simultaneously.

Even started palming him through his jeans and it made him moan. His own hand found its way to Even's stomach going below his shirt and it was constantly moving south on its own accord to touch Even, to know that Even wanted him too. 

But like all good things, this came to an end too.

He registered a faint noise coming from somewhere in the room. As he gave a bit attention to it, he realised it was Even's phone but Even was oblivious to it as he showed no indication of stopping from licking into his mouth.

Isak shifted his face so he could take a look at the coffee table from where the noise was coming and Even pressed hot and wet kisses along his jaw line and then latched onto his sweet spot just below his ear on the neck now that he didn't have his mouth to ravage.

Even was sucking a bruise there when he noticed Isak's stillness. He lifted his face and opened his lust filled eyes to look at Isak. 

Isak saw the confusion on Even's face and he saw the change in his expressions when the realization of what was happening between them hit Even.

Even quickly sat up as did Isak.

That wretched awkward silence found them again.

Never in two years but twice on the same fucking night.

Isak cleared his throat to speak. "Your phone...uhh...it was ringing..." it came out broken.

Even picked up his phone and unlocked it.

"Its Sonja."

The name came like a hard slap and Isak stood up. What the fuck he was doing? What a monumental fuck up. His breathing became shallow and the panic returned.

"Isak..." 

He registered Even's voice coming from behind. He turned to look at him and Even was now standing up.

"It doesn't have to make things awkward. We can still stay the same. It was probably the pent up feelings of the past two years that made us lose control. But we can still stay the same. Please, lets stay the same. Isak?"

Even was rambling. His voice was hoarse and a bit faltered and he was visibly nervous.

Isak gave a small nod to give Even some assurance. But his own mind was now running fast.

He didn't know if he should be happy that Even didn't think much of the kiss or disappointed that Even didn't think much of the kiss.

So he stayed silent and let his mind fight with itself and end up confused anyway just like always. 

He can't remember the details of what happened afterwards. How much time after Even left or what he said. Did they hug when he left or did Even said to call him? 

They didn't talk at all the following week.

He was out of town on the shoot of an ad film when Jonas texted him that Even was leaving today. 

He was leaving a week before.

Even didn't tell him that he was leaving earlier.Why?

He won't be able to get out of the shoot and even if he did he won't reach there in time. It made him numb. He didn't know how to react to it. So he got busy in the shoot when his director called him and threw up when the nausea came over.

He got a text next day from Even and Isak didn't know why but it felt more than a "l will call you and we'll skype" goodbye.

"Dear Isak, I wish I was able to say goodbye in person but I have to go. Some emergency regarding the cast. But I think it is for the best considering my last goodbye attempt. Haha. Anyways...take care my love. I will miss you always."


	3. Movie Snob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak signs a new movie but can not find a single reason to love it, until he got a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what the movie production process actually involves and I am just going by common sense here so... Forgive me if I get things over simplified.

It was two weeks after Even left and Isak still hasn't recovered. He still was as numb as the day when he left. His body still doesn't know how to react to this except for losing his sleep at night and then being exhausted and heavy the next day. The occasional waves of nausea still hit him but he thinks its because of the lack of sleep. He physically can't just accept that its because Even left.

He doesn't want be that person who is so attached to another person that his body has its own reaction to their absence. Ever since Sonja's arrival, Even has been more or less absent from his life but never he felt the loss at this scale.

He doesn't want to dwell on a nagging feeling coming from the bottom of his subconscious that this means his body has a sense and it has recognized that he has lost Even forever.

He exactly can't go and complain about it to Even. He waited for two years when Isak was sleeping around.When attractive men and women were literally throwing themselves on Even everyday and he refused them all. He doesn't want to think what made Sonja that special that Even finally moved on. He has no right to think like that.

If he was brave enough, Even would have been here with him but Isak knows it is just wishful thinking. But a part of him still thinks Even might make him that brave. But it's not Even's job to do. He has his own issues to sort out. He isn't here to save Isak. Isak has to fight his demons in his own.

For a while Isak was happy with being living a life like this. When he realized that his shitty parents might have not given him anything else but attractive genes, he decided to cash his good looks, literally and figuratively.

He is aware of effects of his face and his body on people be it men or women, straight or gay. There is something about a confident and conventionally attractive person talking that puts people on edge and makes them attentive. With careful observations, Isak has discovered the trick to get what he wants from people with the least possible emotional engagement.

He puts on his charming mask which is all smirks and challenge in his eyes with measured emotional distance but a hint of promise about the future and everyone comes undone. Its the allure of an insanely attractive guy giving them attention which makes them feel special. They begin to think may be they could be the one to save him and no matter how big of a jerk or how nice you are, everyone wants to be the redeemer of someone else. Its the basic human fantasy.

That's how he handles his dates and probably that's why they always come running back no matter how awfully he might have treated them on their last rendezvous.

But he could never do that with Even, put on the mask. He'd always get nervous around him. His carefully crafted persona will leave him with a whoosh and he'll be left standing like an awkward teen boy, not just the first day he met Even but after every other day too.

There was something about Even, so similar. Even was all smirks, challenging and playful eyebrows and long confident strides when it came to public eyes too, just like him. But when it were just the two of them, Even was just as nervous as him. He'd stare at Isak and look away when caught. Even blushed whenever in some unguarded moment Isak stared at him too. 

But there was a phenomenal difference between them. Even didn't let insecurities come in his way. He never shied away emotionally. He'd tell exactly what he wanted from Isak. 

There were striking resemblance between Even and Adrian.

He has once asked Even if Adrian's character was based on him, but Even just laughed and shrugged. 

Sometimes in a particularly down moment, Isak'd think that Even actually didn't want him but he wanted Adrian.

He wasn't Adrian.

He wanted Even and on some drunk nights he also got clingy. But Even never took advantage and he resisted Isak's sexual advances. Even refused to taint their relationship with a hook up.

He hated and loved Even for it.

He was lying on his stomach and his face was deep buried in the couch and away from his friends. 

They were always there. It was his house but at any given time, one or few can always be found, either high and drunk or just sprawled on the couches watching mind numbing television.

Isak knew he was being insufferable but he figured he deserved to feel like this. The man he loved was in another country with another person and he hasn't sent a single text since. Not that Isak has sent himself one too but Even was the one who always initiated conversation.

He still didn't know where they were now. Does Even want him anymore? Does he want him to send him a text or he wants to be left alone? 

Isak has always had this fear that he would end up interfering in people's lives so he never interacts with them unless specifically asked. He never initiates conversations and never gives more information than asked.

He never approaches men first. They always approach him first and if someone plays hard to get then its his loss because Isak never goes to talk to them first. He never speaks more than a few words necessary when they hook up again. Just a simple "U want?" text and "Hi" when they meet and that's about it.

So he makes a wild guess just like always that Even will contact him when he wants to and if he doesn't, it means he doesn't want to. He knows Even deserves more than this. He could contact him first but he is not secure enough to believe that Even wants him to.

He is not playing the game he plays with other men to get what he wants from them. No. He is being played here by his deep rooted insecurities that won't let him believe that by texting first he is not gonna intrude in Even's life but then again, Even left with Sonja to give their relationship a chance. And after being the reason for Even's heartbreak, he decides its best if he left Even alone.

But that doesn't mean he is not allowed to feel miserable because of the absence of communication.

His friends were smart. Isak never told any of them what transpired between him and Even and they were respectful enough to not pry. But that didn't mean they didn't know and that's why they have tried everything to get Isak out of the house and improve his mood a bit these past two weeks.

These efforts ranged from one or two of them just staying with him all the time and making him watch crappy movies to suggesting to take him to a gay club and get him laid.

But being the huge pain in the ass he was, Isak refused everything and his friends finally either understood him or completely gave up on him as they have said nothing in the past two days. Isak was more than relieved. He needed to wallow in his misery.

It was Vilde who spoke in her usual chirpy voice which frankly speaking, irritated Isak.

"Isak, remember that reality show where kids do comedy sketches and act out scenes of famous movies, they are asking you to judge one episode. It's great for PR and exposure. I know you hate being in the gossips but a bit of gossip is necessary otherwise people will forget about you and you will become irrelevant." 

When she finished speaking Isak lifted his face and turned to look at her. She was her usual beaming self and was looking at him while grinning as she just hasn't literally said that he'll become irrelevant.

Isak never knew what came over him when he asked Vilde to be his PR manager but he sometimes regrets it. She is a good friend and quite good at her work but she gets on his nerves all the time.

"I don't fucking want to judge a kid reality show, Vilde. Why would you think that? I don't know how to judge shows but I am judging your friendship if you seriously thought I would be into it." He just couldn't keep his irritation hidden anymore.

The others didn't notice it. Jonasand Eva were sucking off each other's faces and Noora and Sana were busy looking at their phones, probably fighting the injustice in the world. Mahdi and Magnus were high so they were really not the attentive audience.

"But Isak, you can't just hide. You are a celebrity and you have to make public appearances from time to time for your fans." 

He really admired her perseverance and ever high enthusiasm but right now he didn't want it.

"Vilde, no. Nope. No fucking way." 

Vilde got the hint and left him alone for now but she will come back. She always comes back and then he will have to go judge that fucking show.

He didn't understand this need to make public appearances. Shouldn't people be just happy with his movies? Why they needed more? They fell in love with the characters that he played, not the actual him. Why they wanted him then?

He hated this celebrity culture and that's why he was not sure whether he wanted to pursue it further. He was a very private person who enjoyed staying at his house in company of few chosen people. 

He avoided glam parties like plague and if it wasn't for Eskild, his manager, he won't have any contacts whatsoever in the industry. He was not like Even who was passionate about his work and enjoyed every single opportunity where he got to talk about it.

After another week he went to judge that fucking show. As usual he read the script and acted but some of the kids were good so he took some genuine interest also there but when the producers asked if he could do some more episodes, he refused politely giving the excuse of preparing for a new movie.

It wasn't technically a lie. Eskild has been talking about a new movie offer but he hasn't gotten around to listen more about it. He was still distracted and Even still hasn't texted him.

It was after another week when he was sitting in the conference room of a very respected and one of the biggest production house. They wanted him to audition for a role in the upcoming instalment of one of their huge commercially hit movie. Eskild was sure that the role was his already. It was just a formality and afterwards he could officially sign the movie.

Isak has explicitly shown his dislike to the movie but both Vilde and Eskild gave him plethora of reasons ( according to them anyway) which centred around the same theme as to why he should be a part of this movie.

"Isak, we know you want to do the offbeat movies but its good to have a diverse portfolio. This way you'll have popularity among the masses because of this movie and the respect of the critics because of your other works. You can have best of both the worlds." Eskild shared his wisdom and Isak just squinted his eyes on him.

"Yes. Think about it, Isak. Actors with preety faces don't usually get cast in serious roles and offbeat movie actors don't get cast in mainstream commercial movies. You are getting good deal from both sides. Take benefits." It was vilde with her usual chirping. He ignored her slightly confusing comment. Should he take an offence here or not?

Isak was sure both of their eagerness was also from the anticipation of finally getting involved in a movie which would get them invited to the biggest glam parties but he decided not to think much of it.

He was not a movie snob like Even. He enjoyed shitty commercial movies. He has spend a good amount of his teen years being high and watching these movies. Deep down he was a basic guy who loved car chases and explosions. 

But watching such a movie and being a part of it was two different things. He got exhausted just thinking about the physical and mental commitment it would require both during filming and after filming.He hated the promotion tours and cheesy interviews that the actors had to go through.

His usual movies had a particular and dedicated audience who craved such movies and found the theatres without having the actors to go through such long and exhausting promotion tours.

Jonas and Eva claimed that it was Even's attitude about such movies which was rubbing on him too. It was not true but they didn't even try to see his reasoning. So he let them think whatever the fuck they thought.

So all things led to him sitting in the huge conference room with the Director Erik Olsen, the Producer David Larsen, some officials of the company and Eskild. 

The director was famous for his commercial hits and Isak could see his smug confidence from a mile. He already knew working with him would be hard.

The producer was a man in his mid sixties and was giving Isak a goofy grin. Isak could see the way his eyes lingered on his body and he was very much uncomfortable with it.

But he had to suck it up and put on his mask. He gave them his charming and polite smile, said his lines and signed the contract. It was when they were going back to his house that he put off his mask and let out an exasperated sigh and suddenly felt so exhausted. 

With everything else going on and Even's radio silence hit him hard when he went to bed and he cried for the first time since Even left. The numbness left his body and he suddenly felt everything. The heartbreak and helplessness. He cried himself to sleep that night, again.

He jolted awake after a few hours in the middle of the night. Despite sleeping for a few hours, he felt even more exhausted. He knew that he needed a distraction. So he texted Julian. 

Julian was infatuated with him to say the least. No matter how late or how early Isak called him, he'd arrive within an hour and he'd leave too never insisting on more and always content with whatever he got from Isak.

Julian was the only son of a highly successful but homophobic producer in the industry. As much as he liked producing movies he liked bashing homosexuals as much too. Julian was not out and very much afraid of his father and that was probably why he never asked for more and was always available.

As usual, Julian arrived within an hour. Isak laid on his stomach and let Julian take him from behind. He wasn't hard and wasn't actually in the mood to get off. He wasn't in the mood to get Julian off either. He just needed to fill the emptiness in his heart and silence in his room. So he let Julian do whatever he wanted.

Afterwards when Julian started to wear his clothes to go, it was already 3:35. Isak wanted to sleep for a few more hours but he realised he won't fall asleep alone so Isak did something he never did before.

He asked Julian to stay the night and said nothing when Julian enveloped him into a protective embrace as he spooned him. In fact, Isak leaned back into him.

He cried himself to sleep again but this time someone was whispering soothing and assuring words into his neck. It felt nice.

He woke up to the soft sounds coming from the kitchen and sun light pouring through the windows. Isak squinted to look at his phone. It was 8:45. He looked around to see if Julian was still there but he couldn't see any traces of him in the room. When he heard the voices coming from the kitchen he quickly sat up. This meant Julian was probably there with his friends.

No fucking way. It can't be happening. So he quickly got up and pulled on the first pair of paints he could find. When he reached into the kitchen he only saw Vilde and Eskild and he relaxed visibly. They both noticed him now.  
"Isak, good morning and congratulations. I can already tell that this movie is going to change your life. You just wait and see. It would put you into the top list of celebrities." Vilde was glowing so much that even the morning sun seemed paler in comparison to her.

Isak just rolled his eyes and groaned loudly to let her know he wasn't in the mood to tolerate her giggles and sunshine. She just needs to shut up for a while untill he has had a cup of coffee in his system at least.

Eskild just eyed him silently and kept making breakfast. He must have saw the dreaded look on his face last night.

If was only after a large cup of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs that he was a half functioning human being.

"Baby Jesus, you need to have a schedule now. This movie as big it is, it will require your hundred percent commitment. You'd have to lose a few kilos and also become ripped. You already have a good body so you just need a little retouching and nothing more" said Eskild while shamelessly ogling his naked torso.

"Ugh, Eskild. Please stop being creepy this early in the morning. That producer had already creeped me out enough. You don't actually need to do this. Just give me a fucking chart or schedule of everything that I have to do and I'll do it" said Isak while going into his bedroom again leaving both of his managers standing in the kitchen sharing looks he'd rather not try to decipher this early in the morning.

Later in the afternoon he got the email. He already knew that this movie was going to be exhausting and it just proved it. It included him becoming more muscular and learning horse riding and also taking basic martial arts classes. What in the fucking hell.

Isak now couldn't find a single reason to why the fuck he agreed to play a thief who did martial arts and horse riding and still managed to steal a shit load of money and drove an equally obnoxious car.

Even is going to hate this movie and his character too. Even was a movie snob. But now he couldn't do anything about it. He'd just have to suck it up and give the next year of his life to this movie and he didn't like one single thing about it.

Soon the process started and his days became busy. With various trainings and meetings with his co-stars he had enough time to notice that Even still hasn't contacted him but not enough time to dwell on it.

He now loved everything about the movie. It was proving to be the exactly kind of distraction he needed to nurse his heart back to health from the loss of Even's love. It wasn't after 2 more months that he got any message from the man. 

It wasn't a heartfelt message. It was short and lacked anything serious but just the notification on the screen of his phone was enough to bring back the melancholy that shadowed Isak in the first month of their separation. With fast beating heart, shallow breathing and shaking hands he unlocked his phone to read the text.

"Dear Isak, you asked to call you once in a while to let you know that I am alive. Its not a call but it does serve the purpose.

I am alive.

I am sticking to my routine and my meds are working fine too. I am stable.

I am loving Denmark and its people.

I hope you are doing good too. Heard that you signed the new Olsen movie. He is a difficult director to work with but just stroke his ego once in a while and you'll be golden.

Stay a bit away from Larsen because he is going to hit on you. He has probably never seen a beautiful face like yours in his entire life.

I am proud of you and as usual I miss you. Take care of yourself, Love."

It took Even three months to remember Isak. He didn't give the explanation as to why he disappeared and forgot about Isak.

Isak didn't know what to reply or if he actually needs to reply. 

Even didn't actually ask any question for him to reply. 

Even has never seemed so distant to him and Isak's heart couldn't take it. He knew he shouldn't feel sad about it because if he went down this road, there is nothing but guilt and pain there. But despite everything, he longed for Even.

He still didn't know if he was ready to give what Even wanted but he now was not ready for radio silence.  
He needed Even in his life in whatever capacity he could get.

So after careful deliberation of two more hours he wrote " I miss you" and hit the send button.


	4. A few firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some firsts Isak shared with Even.

He wasn't really surprised when Even didn't respond to his text. He knew that this will happen but this knowledge still did little to cushion the blow to his heart.

Each time his phone pinged, his heart hoped and each time this hope got destroyed.

After two days, he stopped hoping but checked his phone nonetheless.

Now he wasn't interested in the trainings or the rehearsals.

He still came home exhausted but not because of the same reason as before.

He was now too tired to even sleep.

He stopped talking to his friends and despite the continuous nagging of Vilde and Eskild, he didn't go to the party that was hosted by one of his co-star. 

It was a week after on a Sunday afternoon when Jonas came to him.

Isak was still in bed. He didn't bother to get out of bed or to even brush. He was going through old photographs on his phone, lingering on images that had Even in them and zooming on his face as to remember every detail, every beauty mark and every expression.

It was then he realized than in every photo where Even was unaware of it being taken, his eyes were always on Isak with a fond smile on his face.

Before Isak realised, he was crying. He couldn't hold his sobs anymore.

It was then when Jonas found him.

Jonas didn't say anything. He just held him in his arms and let him cry.

The warm embrace made Isak cry even harder. The love and care he was receiving from Jonas, made him miss Even more.

It was only after Isak has calmed down a bit that Jonas spoke.

" So... You wanna tell me now what's going on with you?" 

Jonas asked with voice laced with concern, anger and frustration all at once.

" Its Even."

Isak hoped this would give Jonas all the answers because he was too exhausted to talk more than this.

" I know it is about Even. But I want details. I gave you two years hoping that you two will sort out your issues but seeing you these past 3 months has made me realised that its not gonna happen. You need someone else to knock some sense in that preety head of yours." 

Jonas was angry and no longer hiding it.

" I am in love with him."

Jonas gave him a "duh look" and Isak realized it isn't really a secret.

" I miss him so much... I feel like I can't breathe... I can't get him out of my head... I think about him every second...sometimes I think I might die from missing him so much..."

The sobs started again and Isak couldn't speak anymore.

Jonas gave him a glass of water and gently stroked his back.

"So... Have you told him that yet?"

"No. Why would I do that?"

"Isak, don't you think he should know this. That guy is so gone for you and this will make him so happy." 

"No. I can't do that. He waited for two years and then he found Sonja. She is so beautiful and smart. She can keep up with his hipster tastes and she appreciates his pretentious movies."

As he was uttering these words, Isak realised that he wasn't angry. No. He was just sad. A sadness reaching so far into his heart that he won't ever be able to get out of it, probably ever.

" He said himself that one of the reason he is moving to Denmark is to give their relationship a chance. And they deserve it, Jonas."

Isak could hear how utterly devastated he was sounding.

 

"I can't be the bratty kid who suddenly starts to want a toy when it gets taken away from him. Even was always there for me and I just hurt him and now when he is trying to move on, I am...just... I can't be this cruel to him...I love him..."

Jonas gave him a sympathetic nod and just kept holding him in his arms.

After a while Jonas spoke.

" How do you think Even is gonna react when he sees you like this?"

Isak looked at Jonas. He didn't understand the implication. Even was not even in the country at the moment. How will he see him? And he wasn't sure at the moment but he hoped that by the time Even returns, he'll be out of this hopeless and pathetic condition.

He will be able to handle himself around him, pretend that he is not crumbling inside.

" I'll be fine by the time he comes back. I won't make him feel guilty for wanting to be happy with Sonja. And it makes even more sense that I am like this now and not when Even comes back." 

He looked at Jonas hoping that he is also on the same page with him but Jonas gave him a confused look asking for him to go on.

" He is not gonna come back for another two or three months, right? So it is enough time for my stupid heart to miss him and wallow in my misery. I always bounce back after this much time. Remember after my parents divorce? After two months I was okay. It'll be like this. Don't worry."

Isak was sure he had discovered the solution to his "Even problem".

Jonas didn't look pleased with Isak's newly discovered knowledge but he didn't say anything. Isak was more than grateful.

"I am just saying Isak, I don't think you are giving Even's love enough credit. I've seen him and he never looked not in love with you. I don't think he will be able to move on this early. If you ask, he will come running."

The words were comforting to Isak's heart. The sentence that "Even won't be able to move on" made him a bit happy. He knew he was probably not a good person thinking it but he couldn't care less about that.

Jonas was looking at him with a look of understanding. Isak now realized that he should have approached his friend way earlier. Jonas has always been able to see through his exterior.

It was a blessing at times and a curse at other times. But in this instance, it probably would've been a blessing. He could listen to him and Isak could've shared his pain, eased his hurt.

Then the expressions on Jonas' face were more intense. They were now soft and laced with concern.

"A part of him will always be in love with you, even if he moves on. And if he sees you like this, sees that you are hurting and you want him, that part will make him come to you." 

"But you gotta decide now, Isak. Do you want Even to come to you and then get hurt because you still aren't ready for him? Or do you want to take a chance, embrace the love Even is willing to give?"

Isak knew he wanted Even. He wanted everything that Even was willing to give. What he has to figure out was, can he trust himself to not hurt Even? Can he trust himself to not fuck it up?

"I guess you have time to do that." Said Jonas.

Isak was thinking loud. But Jonas was right. He has time to figure out. He can make himself strong enough for the first time for anything concerning Even.

Because he always just jumped right into it, never thinking before. Be it deciding to audition for Even's movie or kissing him for the first time.

Isak knew about the auditions about a small project called "Underwater".

It was something everyone was talking about at his agency. Many of his friends were going to audition for it. So reluctantly and not wanting to be the odd man, he decided to go for it too.

But the night before the auditions was Eva and Jonas' anniversary party.

No surprise in saying that he got wasted.

He vaguely remembered his announcement to finish a bottle of something and then giving a challenge to himself that he will kiss every person present at the party if they were single. 

He only remembered the two kisses next morning.

It was Jonas who gave him water, pills and breakfast to get him to his senses and then practically threw him out of the house to go to the auditions. 

He knew he was late when he reached to the studio but didn't know how late. The studio was empty. There were no people sitting on chairs or standing around chatting with each other, as he had seen before.

Isak thought about going back to his apartment and sleep for a few hours and think about whether to tell Jonas that he didn't get the part or to tell him that he was careless enough to actually miss it.

But he decided to test his luck some more and decided to check the hall where the auditions were supposed to be held.

It was empty just as he thought except there was one person sitting in the middle of the stage. Isak thought about asking him if the auditions were actually over.

The man was sitting with his head down, concentrating on the papers in his lap. There were papers and folders spread on the stage, surrounding him. A pen was dancing on the fingers of his right hand. A joint tucked behind his ear.

It was the first time he saw Even, first time he spoke to him.

"Halla!" 

Isak wasn't sure if his voice was loud enough but Even heard it as he jerked his head up and looked right at him. 

Even was confused for a second then he gave Isak a polite smile. But Isak still thought it was the most genuine smile he had ever seen.

He still thinks that.

"Halla!" 

Even replied in a voice so deep that was enough to sent a shiver down Isak's spine.

"Can I help you?" 

Isak was too stunned to reply the man so it was fair that he didn't notice that the man had asked him a question.

Even now looked amused as his eyebrows were reaching upto his hair line and he had an amused grin plastered on his mouth.

For some unknown reason, Isak couldn't figure out why the stranger was looking at him with so much amusement in his eyes. So he decided to just ask him and get the confusion cleared out. 

He caught himself thinking what to say to come across confident and suave.

Now, Isak is not ashamed to admit that within the first minute of seeing Even, he was already thinking about the ways to impress Even.

"Umm...what?"

Wow.Thought Isak. It was not at all as impressive as he hoped to sound.

" Can I help you with something?"

Even asked again and somehow his smile was bigger now even though Isak was sure it wasn't humanly possible.

"Uh...yeah... I am here for the auditions. Are they done with it already or am I at the wrong place... Oh God! Am I at the wrong place?" 

Despite his efforts his voice didn't come out even a bit confident. It was panicked and shrill.

" No. You are at the right place." 

Said Even in a calm voice as he started gathering the papers and folders surrounding him on the stage.

"Didn't you see the notice outside which said the auditions has been moved to Sunday? We already sent the message to all the agencies and they were supposed to forward it to all of their clients. You didn't get it? Which agency represents you?"

It took a little too much effort but Isak managed to understand what he had said.

On instinct, he pulled out his phone only to realise that it was on silent mode and he in fact, had gotten a message saying exactly that.

Isak started muttering curses to himself which included some very interesting words that are not at all professional.

Even now was standing right beside him and chuckling probably hearing the words coming out of Isak's mouth.

Isak looked at him and realized the how beautiful he was.

But then he slapped himself mentally on how ridiculous he was being. That was not the time to assess a stranger's beauty.

"Come outside."

Even said dangling the joint between his fingers and then walked towards the exit without waiting for Isak to catch up.

Isak started thinking for a second. It was probably not a good idea to get high before noon while he was still hungover from last night and that too with a complete stranger.

But the stranger was too beautiful and enticing. 

So he followed him.

Even was sitting on the bench only a few meters away from the door and sucking on the blunt between his lips.

With hesitant steps Isak reached the bench and with some apprehension took the blunt when Even offered it to him.

Isak said a quick thank you and settled on the top of the bench and started smoking. The warmness flooded his lungs giving him a bit of respite from the nervousness settled in the pit of his stomach.

He could feel the Even's eyes on him but Isak couldn't figure out how to start the conversation.

"so... For which part are you auditioning?"

Isak looked at Even who was again smiling with that most genuine smile that Isak had ever seen.

"Uh...Oskar...uh... Oskar Something... I can't remember the name actually." 

Answered Isak while chuckling embarrassingly. He had managed to forget the name of the character he was there to audition for.

Isak hoped that the man wasn't offended if he was somehow related to the production.

But Even just laughed, a big and loud laugh that usually spreads to the people nearby making them laugh too.

"So...you don't remember the name of the character you are auditioning for, you don't see the notice outside saying that the auditions have been postponed and you don't check your phone before getting out of the house...tell me exactly how many drinks did you have last night?"

Isak couldn't help but smile at this. On instinct, his hands reached on his face hoping to rub away the redness of his eyes and tired look on his face.

" I don't fucking remember actually. I can't seem to remember anything except..." 

Isak thought it was for the best if the man didn't know exactly how much he got wasted last night. He was just making polite conversation. There was no need to say anything more.

He thought that he should smoke the free weed and get the fuck out of there.

"Except..." 

Even prompted Isak to go on as he took the joint from Isak's hand letting his fingers linger for a second too long there.

Isak fought a quick battle with his mind and decided that he wants to tell Even this story about how he made a fool of himself.

Giving more than what was necessary, for the first time.

"Except for announcing to the whole party that I will finish an entire bottle of something I can't remember the name of and challenging myself to kiss every person present at the party who was not in a relationship."

Isak was beyond embarrassed right then and wished that the beautiful man sitting beside him couldn't see his beet-red face.

"Wow. I wish I was at that party." 

"What?" Asked Isak, just to make sure if he had heard right.

"So tell me, how many people did you kiss?" Asked Even ignoring Isak's question.

"Two. Or I only remember the first two."

Even was now looking at him with a fond smile which was somehow making Isak comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time.

Isak couldn't figure out how that was possible.

They both were silent for a while. Isak realized it wasn't an awkward silence.

For the first time, conversation with a complete stranger wasn't awkward.

"What's your name?" 

"Isak."

"Well, Isak, I can see you are a wild man.  
I am not claiming to be an expert on anything but I think that tomorrow when you come back for the auditions, you should audition for Adrian Eksett. Forget about Oskar Something."

Even's eyes were fixed on Isak and Isak could see the sincerity there.

"Adrian Eksett?"

"Yeah... He is the protagonist of the story. I think you'd be perfect for the role." 

Even said it with a wave of nonchalance as it was all clear to him and he knew about the story more than anyone else.

Off course, Isak didn't know about how right he was thinking that.

But it was enough to send Isak's stomach into spiral. He had never auditioned for any lead role ever. He was not confident about his ability to carry an entire story on his shoulders.

" Lead role? I can't play the lead role. I have zero experience of that plus I am not sure I can do justice with it." 

If there was any device invented to measure self doubt and lack of self confidence, it would have been showing its highest ever recorded observations.

Even gave Isak an incredulous look and took a few seconds before he replied.

"Come tomorrow and audition. I think you are exactly what the director is looking for." His voice showed confidence that Isak has never had.

With that he stood up and gave Isak his trademark smile and went inside the studio walking backwards and only taking his eyes off Isak when he turned to open the door and step inside the studio.

Isak didn't know what to think but he was sure that his mind was not working at the full capacity there so he decided to go back to his apartment and sleep for the next eighteen or twenty hours.

He decided to audition for the lead role, first time in his life.

He got the lead role, first time in his life.

He never thought too hard on preety much everything related to Even, except for them to get together but may be it was time to not think too hard there.

May be it was time to take the plunge, for the first time.

So Isak decided to take his time to think about Even, figuring out what to say to Even when he comes back. How to convince Even that he will try his hard to not let his insecurities rule over their relationship.

 

For the first time, he was going to fight with himself and want happiness.

For the first time, he will try to make himself believe that he deserved Even's love.


	5. We need to talk about Emma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Emma situation makes Isak's life hell and Even is still out of reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a bit nervous about this chapter. I feel like it has not come together as I wanted it to. But I decided to post in anyways as I had zero ideas about how to improve it. So...yeah...just try to enjoy it?

Isak has always had a complicated relationship with sleep. It started somewhere in his teen years and has stayed with him. But right now it was wrecking hell on his well being. The exhaustion from tightly packed shooting and training schedules was more exasperated by the sleepless nights.

With all this, the actors were also instructed to keep the people interested in the movie, so often there were photos and videos being uploaded on the social media sites. 

It meant constant presence of Vilde and her ever running mouth.

"Isak, you need to post some photos with Emma and they should look like there is something going on between you two. It will immensely help you get more popular and keep the gossip blogs running." Said Vilde when they were having lunch on the site and Isak couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

Sana was also there but she just gave one look to Vilde, one to Isak and then kept eating.

Either she was so over Vilde's shit or she had incredible faith in Isak that he could handle it. Isak knew it was most definitely the first thing. But anyway he decided to call out Vilde for it. He just didn't know if he'd be able to do this properly. 

It was usually a job for Even, Noora and Sana. They had taken it upon themselves to gently tell Vilde and sometimes Magnus too whenever they said something ignorant.

Sana would get irritated more than often while Noora and Even were patient. They use a tone which never is condescending.

Isak knew he could never pull that. Sarcasm dripped in his every sentence. But Vilde was his friend so he figured that he could afford to be a bit sarcastic and angry here.

"What the fuck, Vilde? Do you even have any idea what you just said?"

Vilde gave him an innocent look which only fueled Isak's irritation.

Isak looked at Sana for help but she just kept on eating her lunch like this was not at all something as serious as Isak was making it into.

Sana worked at an NGO helping people overcoming harsh environment and situations. Isak knew his situation was not at all as serious as of the people Sana helped but that didn't mean he didn't need all the help he could get right now. 

Dealing with Vilde was tough on a healthy day but with Isak being physically and emotionally exhausted, it was impossible.

"Vilde, please tell me what you just said has a very good reason behind it. Plus how can I get involved with Emma. You know me. What the fuck?"

"Isak, I know you are gay."

Isak could care less about the change in her voice as she said the word "gay" so he let her carry on.

" I don't have any problem with it. I love gays. But since you are not out and not many people know about it, the producers want this rumour to go around that you and Emma are spending a lot of time together as it will help in the promotions. "

She was way too excited to notice the murderous look in Isak's eyes.

"They won't exactly say that you guys are dating or anything, just that you are spending time together. The rest is on the speculation of public and the media."

Sana now finally looked at Vilde and gave her an "what the fuck" look so Vilde took another route.

"These type of rumours always go around and after the movie is released they die too. So there is nothing to worry. Its not like you actually have to be in a relationship with her. You just have to make it look like that."

He was so fucking tired to deal with it anymore.

"Vilde, no. I won't do this. You are my manager and my friend, not the producer's. So you will go to them and tell them that I don't want to do it and you will not listen to any shitty excuses they throw your way. Okay?"

Isak hoped that the sternness in his voice is enough to convey the seriousness of the issue to Vilde and she will get him out of this mess.

Emma was playing his girlfriend in the movie and the very first scene that they filmed together was a kissing one. It was a good scene objectively and they completed it in two takes.

Isak was a good kisser. He had often got compliments on his kissing skills. Emma looked dazed after it but then it turned into something undesirable for Isak. Emma started giving him the love sick puppy looks and started following him around the sets and in parties thrown by the unit members that Isak had to attend just so he could make Eskild shut up once in a while.

She was relatively new in the industry and way too naive for someone in the film industry. But she was determined and never hesitated to go after something if she wanted it.

Isak has trying hard to fend off her advances. He really didn't want her to get the wrong ideas there so he thought it was good if he shut down this whole thing even before it actually started.

The rumours were a good, effective and overly used method to create a buzz about any under production projects but the only policy that Isak has kept on following and was preety adamant on following in the future too was that he will never get involved in these shenanigans.

He wasn't ready to change that. They have to find some other way. He was ready do everything else even learning martial arts or horse riding or sweating in the gym for hours but this is where he had to put his foot down.

Off course nobody else thought that and that's why he got a call from his producer two days after and now Isak was sitting in the huge living room on a very overwhelmingly white couch.

"Look Isak, I know you stay away from these things but this is very big budget film and we want it to do well. It does not mean that I don't believe in my production or story of the film. I do. I believe in the director, crew and actors too." 

Said Larsen gesturing towards Isak.

"But it doesn't hurt to take care of every angle and I've talked to Emma and she doesn't have any problem with it, if that's what you are worried about. In fact, she's got a little crush on you. Its adorable actually and understandable too. There are a lot of people in the unit having crushes on you."

Larsen was now openly letting his his eyes roam on Isak's body which made Isak squirm in his seat.

"You are a heartbreaker, Isak. As much as it will hurt people to know that you can never be theirs, they'd love to know even the smallest detail of your life. Just think about this... the actor who has never been involved with someone now is interested in the girl playing his love interest in the movie. If we can cash on it then there is no harm in that. So what do you say?"

Isak was fighting an internal battle there. What was happening was wrong on so many levels and he wished it to stop but it also seemed like whatever reasons he gave for not doing this, made little or no impact actually on anyone. 

He needed some good advice. He needed some time. He needed to not be looked at like that. He needed to get out of there.

"I'll think about it and get back to you very soon, Sir."

Isak put on his well practiced and disarming smile and hoped Larsen would let go him for the time being.

Seemed like universe was working in his favour as Larsen just nodded his head and muttering something along the lines of thinking about the good it'd do. Isak quickly stood up and bid goodbye after shaking hands with the man. 

As soon as he reached his apartment, he called Jonas and everyone else because he needed all the help he could get.

Soon everyone was sitting in his living room. Empty pizza boxes and beer bottles were quickly taking up the space on the centre table.

"You should stand your ground, man. It's pathetic to use these kind of things to promote a film." Said Jonas.

"But this is a very big budget film and its understandable that they want to recover the cost as well as earn some profit too. And its not that they are the first ones using these kinds of tactics. Isak, you knew about it even before you entered into the industry." Magnus chimed in with mouth full of pizza.

"Yeah but Isak has always stayed away from these things and his movies did good. They were not the biggest commercial successes but they did good." At least Mahdi was at his side.

"But they were small movies." Said Vilde for the first time.

"Isak, its morally ambiguous according to me but if you do end up doing it, nobody is going to judge you." Eva was kind as always but this did nothing to help him.

The same arguments have been going around for the last hour. But the decision was still nowhere near them.

He wanted a solution here, not the different perspectives. He had already thought a lot covering every possible pro and anti arguments. He needed a decision.

When he got into modelling, it was his then boyfriend who made him go for it. Jonas forced him to go on the audition for his first film when he was hungover and not at all willing to get out of the bed. Even asked him to audition for the lead role. Eskild and Vilde decided it was good for him to sign this movie.

And right now his friends wanted him to take the decision. He was not good at this. He was still indecisive about his future in the acting career.

He still couldn't decide what to say to Even when he will come back. He had prepared speeches but nothing seemed good enough so now after all this time he was still stuck at "Halla".

He was not sure if he'd be able to utter even that when he'll see Even.

"Yeah but I am gay and one day it'll come out. Don't you think this will look more wrong then?" Isak said while looking at his friends hoping they will take it from here.

Nobody spoke for a few moments. It was Sana who decided to break the silence.

" You could tell your producer that and may be He will understand and not bother you anymore."

Everyone was now looking at Isak. He had thought about it too but then he has seen the looks Larsen gave him.

Isak was afraid that if Larsen found out about his sexuality, he could demand some other favours. The thought made Isak sick to his core but it was possible. Its not like Isak would be the first one in this type of a situation. Many have warned him about Larsen. Isak himself have read a lot about some sexual harassment charges that Larsen had to settle with quite a lot of money.

Isak would never say yes to him but he didn't know what his "no" will bring to him. He didn't want to find out.

"Don't do it. You wanna come out, do it, but after this project is over. Larsen will make your life hell until you agree to fuck him. He has mentioned his intentions to me several times now." Said Eskild looking like a thief caught red handed.

"What the fuck?" It was a chorus of voices Isak couldn't separate.

"I didn't want to upset you so I hid it. But he is pretty insistent. And probably the only thing stopping him to come on to you directly is that he thinks you are straight. I don't know what will happen when he finds out you are not." Said Eskild looking directly at Isak and avoiding the murderous looks given by their friends.

"It's not like he could force me or something?" Despite his attempts to sound otherwise, Isak's voice was nervous and weak.

"No but there are other ways to force you, don't you think? Its better if we don't go down this road. Even also thinks so."

"What?"

"Yeah he called me after you signed this movie and asked me to keep Larsen away from you. He also thinks its best if you avoid engaging with him anymore than necessary."

"Even? Even called you? When?"

Isak almost shouted this which was very opposite of his demeanour all evening. He was lost in his thoughts and letting his friends fight his fight for him the entire evening. This however was enough to have him sit straight and look at Eskild with a very intense gaze.

Everyone was looking at him warily but he couldn't be bothered to hide now his feelings for Even. Everyone knew them already so there was no point in pretending.

"Yeah...just after you signed the movie. He found out and called me. He wanted to know if you were really interested and gave me some tips to handle Olsen. He also kind of asked me to keep you away from Larsen. Apparently Larsen has made some inappropriate comments about you to Even a while back at some party about how he thought you are hot and Even is an idiot if he is not taking advantage of being your first director or something like that."

Eskild continued under everyone's attention.

"Yeah...that's why we...Vilde and I have been keeping you in the dark from the start. They asked me to convince you to do this from the first week or something. We've been trying to get you out of this without mentioning anything else. But its not working clearly as he himself has met with you."

Eskild looked guilty and so did Vilde. Isak couldn't be angry with them. He knew as much excited they were for this movie, they will never do anything to make him uncomfortable deliberately.

Iska was speechless. He had no idea how to react there and neither did any of his friends. Everyone was silent.

After the initial lack of response, Iska was now flooded with emotions. It was anger, frustration, helplessness and longing. It was hell on his mind.

"Eskild, what the hell have you gotten me into? Why the fuck is it so complicated?" Isak buried his face in the palms of both of his hands and groaned which was way too weak. It was like he didn't even had energy to he his grumpy self.

He was exhausted and needed everything to stop for a while. He felt someone pulling him into their arms.

It was Eva.

He let her put his head into her lap. She started messaging his scalp with gentle fingers. It was soothing and he felt relaxing for the first time in months.

Around him the conversations started again in hushed tone and Isak didn't make any effort to listen to it. He wanted to sleep.

Sleep didn't come to him as easily as he wanted. He always had a "will they- won't they" relationship with sleep as Even liked to call it. Isak just called it "another way of his mind to screw with him".

He kept waking up after every one or two hours. Each time he wanted to get up and move to his bedroom but Eva's embrace was too warm to leave. He stared into the dark until his eyes closed again, everytime. Sometimes he tried to focus on some faint sounds coming either from the road outside his building or from somewhere inside the building, making stories about the origin of that sound.

He used to be scared of the night. Every faint rustling sound coming from the dark room used to scare him when he was little. He used to think that some monster was coming to get him.

Now the chaos in his mind has become that big of a monster that he focused on every external sound as long as he didn't have to listen to his mind. Every outside monster seemed smaller and less scary compared to the ones his own mind kept on sending his way.

He longed for those earlier days, his untroubled heart.

Next morning he woke up to Eva's front pressing into his back. He looked around to find that Jonas and Eskild were sleeping in the nearby couches. The others must have been sleeping around somewhere in the house. He carefully got up as to not disturb Eva and others and made his way to the kitchen.

Noora was hunched over the kitchen counter, stirring something in a pan that looked like eggs. He murmured good morning to her and opened the freeze to get a bottle of water.

"I made eggs. They are just like how Even cooks them or at least I am hoping they are." 

Noora said looking at Isak with a hopeful expressions on her face.

"Thanks but I like the way you cook eggs too." Replied Isak as he took a seat in the breakfast nook.

Noora gave him a small smile. "That's sweet of you but I think you need a bit of Even right now."

Isak knew it was true so he didn't bother fighting it. He never elaborated on his relationship with Even but everyone knew how deep the connection went between them.

Even has been his rock in some bad times whenever his parents made a shitty comeback in his life or when life generally got overwhelming. Often after a sleepless night, he found himself outside of Even's door. Even didn't press him for more than what Isak told him. He'd cook his famous eggs and they'd eat accompanied with silly banter, stolen glances and barely concealed yearning for each other.

He was not sure if he gave Even as much support in return. He tried to be there for him during his depressive episodes or in the aftermaths of readjustment of his medicine dosage. But he always felt that his efforts were lesser than needed. Even never said anything about it.

But then he never complained. He was always there just content with whatever he got. This made Isak feel more shitty.He started thinking had he really treated Even that way? Why the fuck nobody called him out on his bullshit?

"Isak?"

Noora's voice ringed into his ears and he realized she was saying something.

"Sorry... I was thinking about something else. What were you saying?"

" I was saying you should call him and ask for his input on this too. He knows a bit about dealing with such situations. And he clearly knows about that producer of your film and his ways. He could help you. Don't you think?"

"Yeah... I think so... I'll call him...I'll call him tonight." 

He was not sure about it but it did seem like a good idea. 

Before he could say anything else Magnus barged into the kitchen shouting something about delicious smell and empty stomach.

Later that evening Isak was at a restaurant meeting with his director, Olsen. He had called Isak aside in the middle of the shoot saying that they had an important thing they needed to discuss. Isak was not sure what it could be but he guessed it'll have something to do with the ongoing drama related to Emma.

After the initial greetings and polite remarks, Olsen came straight to the topic. He is never really a man to waste his time. Perhaps that was one of the reason he is successful and well in demand.

"So... I am guessing you know why have I asked you to come here?"

"I guess so." Isak was not sure at all so he let his uncertainty show.

"Look, Isak. I know you kind of stay away from gossips and celebrity things and that's very good and appreciable but showbiz is a very bitchy thing. Everyone involved in any project puts a lot on stake. The producers, directors, actors... You know it by now. I really don't need to explain it to you."

Isak nodded slowly not liking where the conversation was going.

"Its really not that big of a deal. But we won't force you also. Just think of as an investment. You invest as in form of some carefully crafted headlines and scripted candid shots of you and Emma. You get the returns in form of a heightened interest of public in the film and yours constant presence on the tabloids and social media sites."

" I am gay." 

Isak had no idea what he was saying until he had said it. It was not planned at all. May be his subconscious was sick of his crap so it decided to act on its own and take control over his consciousness but Isak somehow still felt relieved.

The other man was still for a few moments as Isak eyed him silently hoping for a response. 

Olsen quickly gathered himself as he took a sip of the expensive wine. His face was expressionless and he kept looking at Isak. Isak couldn't take the silence anymore.

"So...that's why I cant do it...You know... I am not trying to hide here... Nor I am planning a big "coming out" moment... I just think it will be kind of shitty of me to participate in this being full aware of myself.  
If tomorrow this comes out somehow, I am not going to deny it.  
I will give them straightforward answers to questions they ask to which I am comfortable off course... That's why I am not willing to do this...you know."

He cursed himself mentally on how weak his voice was. He had nothing to be afraid of here. So he took a moment to calm himself down as he waited for Olsen's response.

Olsen smiled, a smile smaller than an average one but for Isak it was a big surprise.

The smugness in Olsen's nature and the superiority complex he projected was somehow heightened by the fact that he rarely smiled and always looked bored with whatever that was happening around him, except on the sets.  
He didn't smile there also but he was always deeply invested in every small detail related to the film.

"Okay. Uh...wow...yeah...I get your point. And I think you are right so we will let go of this but then there has to be a compromise here too. You can't do this and you probably shouldn't do this but you have to do something else for the benefit of the film. Every one else is doing their part." Said Olsen. His body language still the same.

The implication carried by his words made Isak scared.

Olsen must have saw the horrified expressions on Isak's face because he stopped for a moment and then with a smile he spoke again.

"No, no, no. Don't worry. Its nothing like that. Although, I have seen the way the old man looks at you. Which is disgusting if you ask me. I just mean some cheesy interviews and some kind of challenges and shit that they keep on doing. Just to keep the buzz going around in the media about the film while filming and after filming."

Isak didn't realise he was holding his breath until he let it out and relaxed visibly enough that his director also noticed as he let out a small chuckle.

"Yeah... I understand that and I'll do that. Thanks for understanding my point here, Mr. Olsen." 

"Just Olsen would be fine, Isak. You are my friend and by far my favourite amongst the new additions in the unit."

"And don't worry. I'll handle Larsen. I will remind him of the previous sexual harassment cases and what kind of shit he had to go through because of them, carefully off course. Don't worry. I believe in making my actors comfortable so that they are able to give their hundred percent to the movie. Plus I don't want any kind of scandals and controversies ruining my film."

The smile was back on his lips and despite having seen it already, Isak still wondered about how surreal it looked.

The rest of the time went faster as both men chatted a bit about the movie and some other topics which more or less revolved around movies and cinema in general.

Isak wondered why Even didn't like Olsen as the man was as passionate about movies and cinema as Even. May be it had something to do with their preferences in them.

Even is a fan of content and movies being a source to stir the intellect and a platform to discuss the complexities of human emotions and mind whereas Olsen believes in satisfying the basic Freudian desires of sex and violence.

Isak decided to let go of his initial judgement of Olsen and also to stop comparing him with Even. Both men were different which didn't make one right and the other wrong. They liked different things when it came to movies and had different management styles.

Even was friendly to everyone on the set, be it actors or the crew while Olsen was a strict boss, never giving any signs of being more than a boss. Both got the job done and both were well liked for their work.

After the dinner they both said goodbyes and Olsen left first saying he had another meeting in half an hour.

Isak took a few moments to text Jonas and Eskild about the meeting. He was about to make his exit when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He turned only to get a bittersweet surprise.

Sonja.


	6. Spell it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonja reveals something and Isak takes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are near the end. It'll probably be one long chapter or two or three shorter ones. So enjoy.

Sonja?"

In front of him, Sonja giggled and then leaned forward to hug Isak. Isak could tell that she was drunk.

He and Sonja never really connected. They had very few interactions and Sonja always greeted him with either a handshake or just a simple hello. The hug was a new development.

"Hi, Isak. How are you? You look so good." Sonja kept hugging him and Isak was getting a bit uncomfortable.

She was way too chirpy than her normal self. Isak thought it was probably because of the alcohol.

 

"I am fine. How are you? Uh... What are you doing here? When did you come back?" 

"I am good. I came back a week ago actually or is it two weeks? I cant fucking remember.Let it go. Tell me how have you been?"

Isak couldn't concentrate on anything else coming out of her mouth as his brain started running on a high speed. His heart hurt thinking that Even has been back for two weeks and haven't contacted him. Then he realized Sonja was at a restaurant which meant She was with someone.

"Uh... Are you alone here or is Even with you?"

Isak didn't know which answer will make him more upset.He didn't know what to feel about anything right now. Even is back but didn't contact him was hurtful but he also didn't know if he was ready to see Even again. He wanted to but he didn't know if it was physically possible for him to maintain his composure when he'd see Even actually standing in front of him.

Sonja now stepped back and looked at Isak. She looked pensive and sober all of a sudden, all of her alcohol induced giggles gone.

"Even and I broke up, Isak. Why would I know about his whereabouts?"

"What?"

Iska didn't know if the word actually came out of his mouth or he just imagined it saying. All of this new information was heavy on his already tired mind.

"You didn't know?" Sonja's voice was as cautious and weak as Isak's. 

"No. I didn't. Even and I aren't really in contact right now. What...when...when did this happen and why?"

The only consolation Isak gave his heart these past few months was that Even was happy and moving on. And it was probably also the reason that he didn't make any drunk midnight call to Even. He thought Even was happy with Sonja and that's why he didn't call or text Isak. He had no idea what to think of this new piece of information.

"We broke up three weeks ago and I came back after a few days. You really didn't know?"

Isak just shook his head unable to say anything else.

"Fuck. I guess its my fault that you and Even aren't talking right now. But I thought he'll call you after we broke up. He didn't, huh?"

"No. He didn't. Why did you guys break up?" 

Isak couldn't hide his sadness and heartbreak and Sonja picked it up. There were tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Isak."

She put her hand on his cheek.

"If you are really as great as Even says you are then you won't make me spell out the reason which I think you already know in your heart. Take care Isak and I am sorry for making you and Even stop talking. That was not at all cool."

Sonja again leaned forward and pressed a small kiss on his cheek and then she left without giving Isak any chance to respond.

Isak stood there near the exit, unable to move. His mind was in a chaos as he couldn't comprehend anything. His thoughts were running wild and he couldn't focus on even one of them. It was when a staff member came to ask him if he was okay that he realized that he was standing still on the spot. He nodded and mumbled a quick thank you and exited the building.

Jonas and Eskild were waiting for him back at the apartment. He had texted them earlier about the meeting. He had to go home. He thought about telling them about Even too and asking for their advice on what to do now. 

He already knew what their responses will be. They will ask him to take that the decision himself. He needed to decide for himself. He couldn't keep acting like a teenager relying on others. 

He wanted Even. He thought about how much he wanted to hear Even's voice. So without thinking anymore, he decided to call Even right then and he dialled Even's number.

He was still standing on the pavement. Some people noticed him pacing around nervously and probably recognized too but he couldn't care less. The line was ringing and with every passing second Isak's heart was beating faster and faster.

"Isak?" 

Came a weak voice from the other end. If Isak had not been blocking everything else coming to his ears he might not even have heard it.

It was Even's voice, weak but still Even's.

Silent tears were running on his cheeks now but he couldn't even wipe them off. He didn't have it in him to even say hello.

"Isak, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?" Isak needed to know how Even was doing.

Even didn't speak for a few excruciating moments. 

"Yeah...yes I am okay. Are you okay?" Even's reply was not convincing at all.

"Can I come see you?" 

"Isak..."

"No. You said I can come visit you anytime. So I am coming. I was not really asking for permission. I was just informing you. You'll text me your address and I'll come see you. Okay?"

Isak cut Even off in the middle when he realized Even will probably going to say no. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take anymore of Even's rejection and silence.

"Even?"

"Okay. You can come see me." Even's voice was still as weak as before but it didn't falter Isak's determination.

" Okay. I'll see you then. Bye, Even."

"Bye, Isak."

He had to sort out everything now. First, he had to tell Eskild and Jonas about the meeting with Olsen and then about Even and his visit to Copenhagen. He will have to ask Eskild to sort out everything related to the shoot. But first of all he needed to reach to his apartment. He was planning every thing he could think of when waiting for his taxi to arrive and after getting into the taxi.

The next two days were busy. He told everyone about the Emma issue. Everyone was relieved to say the least. He told them about Even and Sonja and his decision to go to Even.

They were all happy and excited. Jonas was probably the happiest among them all. He hugged Isak and mumbled "Fucking finally, you dumb ass" in his ear.

Isak just laughed. He was happy. He had no idea what will Even say to him. But he was happy for himself. He knew there was a chance of him being rejected but he still wanted to try. He was done being afraid.

In his happiness, he couldn't even be much bothered by the fact that Eskild was struggling very hard to get him some days off. Olsen was a man of strict schedules and with him being so understanding on the Emma issue, it was asking a bit too much.He was not in any position to ask for more favours.

Isak was determined to go. He figured that he'll deal with everything else later. It was not professional at all and will probably give him a bad rap but he didn't care.

In the end, Eskild managed to get him four days. Four days to get the love of his life back. He was sure he could do it.

He was too excited to sleep on the plane. Some people recognized him despite his thousand layers of clothing, glasses and scarf that covered half of his face. He smiled in every photo, probably more genuinely than ever before. The exhaustion and lack of sleep couldn't really deter his face from breaking out in a smile every few minutes even when he was alone in his seat.

Even had texted him his address and it took the taxi 40 minutes to reach there. It was already dark by the time he reached to Even's building. 

Now the nervousness and excitement hit him together as he stood outside the door. He made sure that he was at the right building and had the right apartment number. 

His palms were sweaty and his breaths became shallow all of a sudden. He felt hot in his huge puffy jacket, though it was chilly. So he took it off. He also removed his scarf and his glasses and put them into his bag. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the front camera to see if his face was okay but then he felt extremely silly.

" What the fuck is wrong with me. Its just Even. Just Even." 

He said to himself and then decided it was enough stalling.

He took few deep breaths and tried to calm his heart down and then he knocked on the door, thrice.

After a few moments, he heard some sounds coming from the other side of the door and his heart rate quickened.Then it was quiet again for a few seconds and after another few moments he heard the door latch being opened.

It was dark inside except for the soft glow of streetlights piercing through the curtains. He knew the figure standing in front of him was Even but he couldn't see his face.

He needed to see his face.

"Even?"

Even sighed.

"You came."

Even sounded surprised as if he was not expecting this. He sounded a bit tired too, though Isak couldn't see his face.

It was not the response he was expecting. He didn't expect a grand welcome but he didn't expect this too.

"Off course I came. I told you I'd come. But why is it so dark in here. Did you forget to pay the electricity bill?" He chucked nervously.

Even seemed still for a moment and then he spoke.

"Oh I am sorry. I just didn't realize. Uh.." 

Even went inside and Isak followed him. He shut the door behind him as he heard Even fumbling around in the room. Then the lights were on and there stood Even.

It was Even that he was sure of. He looked different. His hair were a bit longer and not styled into the usual quiff. Beard covered his face. It was longer than Isak had ever seen. But it was still Even. He could feel the familiar sensations going through his body whenever he was near Even.

Neither of them spoke and kept looking at each other. Even came and stood in front of him.

"You look beautiful, Isak. Have you gotten more gorgeous than the last time I saw you." 

A small smile was on his face but his eyes lacked the usual shine. He looked tired. The tired look on Even's face was somehow familiar. He had seen that look before.

He figured he'd talk about it after. First he needed to regain some of the normalcy of their relationship. The silly banter seemed the appropriate way to go.

"That's unfair, Even."

"What is?"

Even asked as he gestured Isak to sit. Isak put his bag down and sat on the couch. Even sat too on the far end but they both were facing each other.

"You can see my face but I can't see your face with this ghastly thing. You need a shave urgently." 

"Excuse me? I think it looks good and by the way you once said yourself that you like me in beard. You called me "hottie" if I remember correctly."

And there it was, the iconic eyebrow raise.Upon seeing it, Isak realized that he fucking missed it. He took a moment to memorize it. He remembered what Even was talking about. He had said it once in a party when he was quite drunk. Although they never talked about it and pretended it never happened.

He still felt embarrassed but he wanted to talk about it now. He wanted Even to know that he was ready to acknowledge his attraction to him.

"Yeah but I said that about a little stubble, not this..."

He said while using his hands to gesture at Even's face. He had no idea when he adopted Even's flair for dramatics but he liked it.

Isak continued.

" Even, I know you dress up as god on most Halloweens but you can use a fake beard. You don't have to grow it yourself, you know."

Even still didn't laugh his usual loud laugh. He just smiled and it didn't reach his eyes. Isak hated it so much.

Even didn't say anything. He just kept looking at Isak which made him a bit nervous. He decided to ask the question he has been waiting the answer of.

He leaned his head back on the couch, shifted in his seat making himself a but closer to Even. Even said and did nothing and kept on looking at him.

" Why didn't you call me, Even? Not once in all these months. You didn't even tell me when you broke up with Sonja."

Even looked taken back as he lowered his face but then he looked back at Isak and answered. His voice was laced with guilt or that was what Isak thought it was.

"It was a pathetic attempt to get over you and I thought it'd make Sonja happy."

Isak was now scared to ask another question. He knew rejection was possible but when it was right in his face, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Still, he had to ask it.

"Did it work?" 

His own voice was no louder than a whisper, laced with his insecurities and fears.

" No."

Even deadpanned. He didn't say further. 

" Why did you and Sonja break up? You were serious about her." 

He didn't know what he was fishing for there but he still felt the need to ask the question. Ever since meeting with Sonja, his heart couldn't help but hope that may be the reason for their break up was that Even wanted to be with him. He knew Even loved him then but now he wasn't sure after these past few months.

Even looked down and sighed. He then shifted forward and placed his elbows on his knees. He kept looking forward as he answered.

"Sonja and I were a mistake. It never should have happened in the first place. I mean I liked her. She was smart and beautiful but I didn't love her. She came in my life when I was tired of being alone. I wanted you but you just...you weren't ready. So I thought may be if I moved on then it wont hurt this much."

He looked at Isak but Isak felt so guilty that he couldn't look him in the eyes. Even continued.

"After the night when you met with her for the first time on your birthday party, she said she wanted to break up because she could she the way I looked at you. She said it was unfair to her and she was right. She was right about everything. But I just didn't want to be alone. So I asked her what she wanted and she said I had to stop seeing you or talking to you. So I did."

Isak could feel hot tears stinging in his eyes so he hid his face in his hands and didn't make a sound. Even was looking at him. He hated himself for making Even miserable.

"It was okay for a while. New place, new project, new people, busy days but something was off. I could feel it like a crawling sensation under my skin that I could never get rid of. Sonja became a bit controlling but it wasn't really her fault, not entirely I guess. I was becoming careless. I smoked a bit too much and started drinking and I started resenting her. The fights became more heated and lasted longer and one day i said that i didn't like that she made me stop talking to you and one thing led to the other and... we broke up. She left and I didn't want to stop her. I thought I'd be happy but no. Here I am. Alone."

Isak finally looked at Even. He looked so small and defeated. Isak moved forward, very slowly so that if Even wanted him to stop, he'd have enough time to say. When Even didn't say anything Isak moved again that there knees were pressing against each other. He placed his hands on either side of Even's face making him look into his eyes and then he said one sentence. It was meant for Even's benefit but it soothed him too.

"You are not alone."

He was not alone either. They had each other. He had wasted enough time being alone and miserable and making Even alone and miserable too.

He hugged Even. It wasn't a tight embrace. It was light and hesitant. But then Even slid his face just a bit down and started burrowing into his chest. Even's arms wrapped around his waist loosely but Isak wanted more. He wrapped his arms around Even's back now a bit tightly and Even responded back with the same motion. 

" I am so fucking sorry, Even. I am sorry for doing this to you." 

Isak cried into Even's hair making the other look at him. Their arms were still wrapped around each other.

"No, Isak. You didn't do anything wrong. You never promised me anything ever. It was me who expected. It... It isn't on you... None of this is."

"Nei... I am not a saint here, Even. I broke your heart over and over just because I was stupid and scared of my own feelings. I was a coward, Even. I hurt you..."

"Isak, please stop as if I am the only one hurt here. You were hurting too."

"Yeah and there was no need for this if i was just a bit brave. May be they are right. I am a coldhearted bitch. I hurt you knowing everything."

Even cut him off by placing his palm over his mouth.

"You are not coldhearted. I keep telling you to not listen to these things. You are perfect and so... So beautiful." 

Even's voice was faltering and heavy and his eyes were wet.

Even's hand was now caressing his cheek and Isak leaned into the touch. Even's thumb was hovering around his lips. His own eyes were settled on Even's lips. They both looked at each other and a communication took place. They leaned in at the sane time and their lips met halfway.

It was not a dirty kiss. There were no tongues involved as only their lips were brushing against each other. But the need to have more was overpowering them with each passing second.

So Isak cautiously slid his tongue across Even's bottom lip and Even responded with a sigh that melted into Isak's mouth. He took it as approval and slipped his tongue inside Even's mouth.

Even welcomed it with his own. As their tongues wrestled, their hands found their usual places.

Isak's one hand was on Even's neck while the other was stroking Even's thigh slowly. Even's hand was on his lower back and it struggled to go beneath the thousand layers of clothing. Isak suddenly cursed himself for wearing this many layers. But soon Even was successful and his hand found his favourite place on the naked skin on Isak's lower back.

This particular contact made Isak so happy that tears were coming out of his eyes. Neither of them stopped even when breathing was becoming a bit hard.

They broke apart for a second then their mouths were attached again. Isak was hard now and his hand automatically moved to feel Even's hardness. But as his hand moved up, he didn't find what he was looking for.

It made Even break the kiss. He looked at Isak with guilty eyes.

"I am sorry...uh... I uh... My meds are... I am having my meds readjusted and they make me feel like a zombie all the time but uh... They also make it very difficult for me to... But its only till I get my dosage fixed again..."

Isak understood what Even was wanting to say now. Off course, Even looked this tired. He had seen it before too. 

"Its okay. Its okay. I am sorry for pushing you too much." 

He said as he started to move himself away from Even but Even stopped him and pulled him back towards himself.

"No. Don't go away. Isak, I can't stay away from you anymore. I'll take whatever you give me...just never stop kissing me."

Even stared to kiss him again and Isak kissed him back.

"I am not going away and I will give you whatever the fuck you want, Even. I can't stay away from you too."

He said as he gave Even a small kiss. Then his hand was on Even's cheek. He wanted to look for every detail of Even's face that he saw in all those photographs. He wanted to trace every line and kiss every freckle. But Even's stupid beard made it impossible.

He tugged on Even's beard making the other man wince slightly.

" I hate this stupid thing on your face. Get rid of it. I want to see your face and I don't like it coming in the way of our kisses. Please, get rid of it." 

Isak said it grumpily making Even smile.

" I don't know. I think it gives me a character." Said Even rubbing his hand on his face.

Isak squinted at him and then said  
" Get rid of it, Even or I am not kissing you."

Even scoffed and raised his eyebrows in a challenging way.

"You can't do that."

" Watch me." Isak said in the same challenging voice.

Even smiled and leaned forward and gave Isak a small kiss which turned into three small kisses.

"How about I order you some food. You eat it and then we sleep. Tomorrow if you still don't like it, I'll get rid of it."

Even's voice was so soft that it made Isak lost his train of thoughts and he couldn't say anything back as he felt like he was high.

"Hmmm...."

It was the only thing that came out of his mouth.

They spent the rest of the evening with Isak telling Even about everything that was happening back home. He told him about the gang and the movie. He told him about Larsen and Emma which made Even frown. 

Even didn't say much himself. He was just listening to Isak's stories. He didn't eat much either as he said he wasn't feeling hungry and Isak didn't push him knowing from experience that it made Even frustrated and angry.

They slept in the same bed and Isak embraced Even. His chest was pressed into Even's back. Even took his hand into his own and pressed them into his chest.

There were a lot of things to take care of. He had yet to talk to Even about coming back home with him. He had yet to tell Even about everything that he wanted. He wanted to tell Even how much he loved him.

He had to tell his friends about everything too but he felt sleep coming to him and he was too tired to think anymore. In that moment he just wanted to sleep wrapped around the man he loved most in the world. But there was one thing that he wanted to tell Even and he couldn't wait for the morning to say it.

"I love you so fucking much, Even." He said it as he placed a small kiss on Even's shoulder.

"I love you so much too, Isak."

Both the lovers slept a dreamless sleep. Better than they both had in quite a long time. They felt at peace for the moment. There were many issues still to take care of. Their own monsters were still lurking insides their heads but they were silent for the night, probably themselves tired too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...thoughts?


	7. Trial & Error

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even goes through the pain of trial and error. Isak stays with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no experience with bipolar disorder. The symptoms and process that I have described here are based on my research and other people's experiences I've read on various forums. So if you feel like something is wrong, please feel free to tell me.

It was after 10 when Isak finally opened his eyes. He had been awake for some time but he didn't want to open his eyes. He was enjoying Even's embrace way too much to leave it. Over the night, they had detangled themselves from each other but as soon he gathered enough consciousness, he rolled towards Even's side of the bed until half of his body was slumped on Even.

Even only made a small sound when Isak wrapped himself around him and placed his head on Even's chest. After a few moments Even's one arm was on his back and hugging his shoulder. Isak drifted back to sleep for a while. He was a chronic insomniac so no matter how good and relaxed he felt, his mind was up and running again.

He still considered it a huge victory that after a continuous struggle to get more than an average of 4 hours of sleep a night these few months, somehow he had managed 7-8 hours today. He gave all the credit to the kindest man sleeping peacefully in his embrace like he was the other half of Isak's body.

He propped his elbow on the bed and lifted his head to look around the room. Last night, he was so engrossed in staring at Even that he didn't notice his surroundings.

The room was an exact replica of Even's room back home except that the number of drawings stuck on the walls and the papers scattered on his desk were lesser in number. There was a large screen tv in a corner and some DVD cases were lying around it on the floor. A guitar was placed on the chair in front of the desk which Isak recognized was the same that he had gifted Even on his last birthday. Even must gave brought it here with him. This thought made his lips curl into a smile.

There were several pill bottles placed on the side table. They took up the whole place save for Even's phone. 

Isak looked at Even who was still sleeping. There were purple bags under his eyes and he had certainly lost some weight but despite that Even was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Off course, despite Even's reassurance he still didn't like the beard. He decided that it had to go.

He placed a small but lingering kiss on Even's forehead and then started moving his fingers around his face. He wanted to touch every inch of Even's skin but for now he was content with just looking and admiring his face. His fingers were gently pulling and rubbing on Even's earlobe when Even stirred a bit making Isak remove his hand quickly.

He knew how much sleep was important to Even. The toll of the continuous trial and error was beyond he could imagine. He had seen it a bit but during these times Even won't let him or anyone stay. He'd try to go and see him everyday but Even won't have it.

But this time he was determined to fight Even on this. He decided that he's not going back without him, even if that makes them fight. It will be their first fight as a couple. This thought made him feel warm inside his chest.

He got up very carefully and padded through the room with soft steps to get to the closet. He wanted to wear one of the Even's old t-shirts with references printed on them to the movies that Even liked so much. He didn't brought much clothes of his own because he thought or rather hoped that he's not gonna need them. He thought they'd spend entire time fucking. It was beyond presumptuous but he didn't care.

Vilde has been lately blabbering about "The Secret" and the "Law of Attraction" so he thought if he wanted it enough, maybe the universe will give him this. 

When going through Even's closet, he found a t-shirt that looked very familiar to him. After stressing on his mind for a few seconds he remembered. It was the same t-shirt that he wore during the shooting of his first movie.

It was the favourite t-shirt of his character and Isak was sure that he had worn that particular piece of clothing for more than a third of the entire length of the movie. He wanted it after they finished shooting as a souvenir but Even had said that the production team had to return it.

Here it was, in his hands, a bit worn out but still as comfortable as ever. It smelled of Even. His heart was more than giddy upon realising what Even has done. Only Even had the ability to make him feel this way even when he was sleeping.

He grabbed the t-shirt and picked up the first sweats he found and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he came back after into the bedroom, Even was still sleeping so he decided to make some breakfast. He wasn't a great cook but he was sure that there was no way he could fuck up toast.

He decided to check his phone for the first time since arriving here. There were a few missed calls and messages, all from his friends. They were asking about how it went. Instead of replying to everyone separately, he typed a "All good" and sent it on the group text. He knew he will have to listen some not so good things. They all were worried that Isak hadn't contacted them or said anything. He muted his phone because he was not in a mood to answer the follow up questions and his friends can be quite exhausting sometimes.

It was after sometime that Even came outside looking a bit rattled. His eyes were searching something.

"Even? Is everything okay?"

Even turned around to look at Isak and then he leapt forward fast. Before Isak had any chance to react, Even was kissing him. The movement made Isak sway and his feet stumbled and if it wasn't for Even's arms around his waist, he probably would have had a hard time gaining his balance back.

"You are here. For a minute, I thought that I only imagined you last night." Said Even running his hands around on Isak's face as to make sure that he was still not imagining it.

Isak wanted to roll his eyes but the look in Even's eyes made him believe that Even had really thought that. Despite last night, it was still new to both of them. After waking up, he did the same. Traced lines on Even's face. Even was doing the same. 

They both were always on the same page when it came to feelings for each other anyway. Isak likes to think that just as he liked Even from the first moment he saw him, Even did too. Even fell for him the same time he fell for Even.

There was no way to confirm it except for asking Even but he didn't know if he really wanted to ask Even. Considering the sap Even is, he'd probably make it a bigger deal than it really is and an "extra Even" is good for you only in small dosages.

"I am here, you dork. Now stop being so dramatic and eat something. Okay?" His voice was not teasing but fond, filled with love. Isak didn't even know if it was possible for him to speak like this. It sounded foreign to him.

Apparently Even thought the same too as he looked at him with curiosity and wonder but then he grinned and nodded his head. He looked at the table and scrunched up his nose a bit upon seeing the sorry excuse of a breakfast sitting on the table.

It made Isak a bit defensive.

"Okay, Ramsey Gordon. Its not the breakfast you usually eat but I did my best okay? So eat." Isak said folding his arms to his chest, defiantly.

"No. I don't care. I love it. I love you. Thank you." Even kissed him and sat in the chair immediately picking up a toast and started spreading jam on it.

Even didn't eat much. He eyed Isak in between bites and Isak pretended to not look at his still more than half full plate. Even was smiling everytime Isak caught his eyes. After breakfast, Even pecked him on the lips and then went back to the bedroom to take his meds.

It was after a few minutes when Isak was cleaning the counter that he heard a distressed sound coming from the bathroom. He immediately dropped the washcloth and ran towards the sound. The first thing he noticed was Even's hunched back.

Even was vomiting his guts out in the toilet. Isak immediately dropped to his knees beside Even and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. When Even stopped heaving, he helped him stand up and brought back into the room. Even immediately curled in the bed in a foetal position.

Isak gave him a glass of water which Even only drank the half of and slumped against Isak. Isak wrapped his arms around him and started gently scratching at his scalp just like Eva did with him, hoping it would soothe him.

"So...I'm guessing this set is not working?"

It was after a few moments that Even spoke. His voice was harsh and groggy and it looked like his throat hurt just from speaking.

" Its slightly better than the last one. The nausea, and drowsiness is not as bad its just... I can't seem to keep much down. I haven't told my doctor yet.. Its been only 10 days so its highly unlikely that we found the right set..."

Even stopped talking and Isak heard a weak sob. He took Even's face in his hands and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"Whatever it is Even, we'll deal with it together. Okay?"

Even nodded and then immediately hid his face in the crook of Isak's neck. 

They sat there on the bed and Even nodded off after a while so Isak laid them both down carefully with Even's head still tucked into the crook of his neck. He tried to take a nap himself too but his mind wasn't interested in it. 

So when Even changed position and he no longer was holding Isak, Isak got up. He made sure that the curtains were drawn so the room was not as bright.

He came outside in the living room and decided to catch up on everyone else. Eskild had sent him next week's schedule and script. He decided to get some reading done. He replied to the messages sent by his friends earlier in the morning. As he had suspected, they were angry at him for sending that message earlier and not giving any more details. 

Eva was the most angry as she sent him so many middle finger emojis. 

Isak laughed at his friend's impatient nature. So he chatted with her for a while and told her about Even's condition. She ordered him to bring Even back with him. He replied "Yes, your highness" earning him another middle finger.

Even slept almost all the morning and afternoon. He only woke up a few times in between to go the bathroom or drink water and he was in a haze. He looked at Isak like he couldn't feel him. He looked like he wasn't registering anything around him. He didn't talk and was tired to even reciprocate when Isak cuddled him.

It made Isak a bit disappointed. He was starved for Even's love, affections and touch but he also knew this wasn't about him at all. Even was suffering and he felt horrible for making it about him, even if a little bit.

It was around 7 in the evening when Even woke up and looked a bit lucid. Isak was sitting in the chair with his feet propped up on the corner of the bed. He had his laptop in his lap and was reading the script that Eskild had sent him earlier today. He was supposed to rehearse with his co-stars after going back and he wanted to be prepared, didn't want to give anybody any chance to say something negative about him.

Even reached for him and Isak quickly put down the laptop and settled in the bed and Even wrapped himself around him. Isak sighed with relief feeling the weight of Even's body on him but he felt himself lighter, somehow.

"This is my t-shirt." Said Even pulling on the fabric a bit and looked Isak in the eyes, a small teasing smile on his face.

"Nei, you thief. This is mine. I claimed it first. You stole it from me. Just because you were the director, it didn't mean you had any more right."

Even's eyes lacked the usual amount of shine but his smile was genuine, weak but genuine.

"Excuse me! I had already decided that I'll take it after I saw you wearing it on the first day. So technically, I claimed it first."

"That's not how it works, Even. Just because you decided in your head that you want something, it doesn't mean it is yours. You have to ask it out loud. And I asked first. So..."

Isak wiggled his eyebrows making Even laugh.

"Okay, okay. It suited on you better anyway, I guess. You can keep it but only if i get a kiss in return."

"You dork. Just a kiss? I thought you'd ask for something more."

"you'll give me something more?"

"I'll give you anything you want."

They kissed. Unhurried. Savouring. Tasting each other with their lips, tongues and breaths. Assuring each other's presence with their hands roaming around on each other.

Isak knew that they had to talk. He didn't know how to help now now that the dynamic of their relationship has changed. He had been there for Even before but only in the capacity of a friend. He wanted to know his role here. How much Even wanted him and how near he wanted him. He wanted to take him back to Oslo but Even was here for work. Even hadn't talked about his work so he didn't know what was going on there.

"What about the series you were here to direct?" Isak asked while chasing after Even's lips.

"Uh... I am not doing it anymore." Said Even while sucking on Isak's neck.

"Ummm why not?" It was hard for Isak to concentrate when Even was placing hot and wet kisses along his jawline.

This question finally managed to stop Even. He looked away and laid down beside Isak on the bed.

"I can't exactly work in my condition and I've got no idea when I'll be able to get back there so I quit. Its just the last 4 episodes that are to shoot, anyway. They were willing to wait but I couldn't give them a fixed date of my return...So I quit and they are working with a new director. But I told them that they could call me for advice or help."

He looked a bit disappointed and it hurt Isak to see him like that.

"I am sorry, baby." Isak rolled towards Even to place his head on Even's chest. Even put his arms around him and started threading his fingers in his hair.

"Yeah but its okay. I am happy with the job I did with the first 8 episodes. So not everything was a bust."

Even hated when people treated him differently because of his condition and may be that was the reason he quit. Even knew the intricacies of the entertainment industry and he also knew the cost of every production. He must've quit because he didn't want the producers to lose money while they waited for him to return.

Isak knew how much Even cared about his work and he was sorry that Even had to leave it before finishing. But that meant that now Even had no real commitment or obligation to stay in Copenhagen so Isak decided to ask him about going back to Oslo.

"I was thinking you should come back home with me." He said biting his bottom lip in nervousness.

"When do you have to go back? I never asked you that. I know that Olsen keeps a tight schedule."

Even avoided his question but Isak decided not to read into it.

"uh...I only got 4 days. Its just that they are almost finished with the shoot except for one indoor and one 15 day out of station shoot. But I'll only have to shoot for like a week or so and its not for another 2 weeks so I was thinking you could come with me and we'll spend some time together before I leave."

Replied Isak, suddenly remembering the constraints of their work and his mind immediately brought forth the dilemma he was having regarding his future in the industry but he decided that it was not the time to think about that so he pushed back the thought and waited for Even's reply.

"I don't know." Even shrugged non-committedly.

"What do you mean?"

He tried to hide his disappointment upon learning that Even might not want to go back with him. He didn't want to overwhelm or pressurise Even.

 

"Its not that I don't want to spend time with you...but... I am not really myself right now. You've seen it already. I was just thinking I'll come back after I get this mess sorted out. You don't have to sit through it. You already have enough stress of your own."

"What stress, Even? I am fine."

"Are you?" Said Even daring Isak to lie.

Isak just nodded his head, not really wanting to utter lies.

"Don't think I haven't seen the dark circles under your eyes and Eskild kind of has been keeping me in the loop. He didn't give me details but he didn't hide anything also."

"I don't care about whatever it is that Eskild had told you. You are going back with me."

He was adamant on taking Even with him. He had thought that there was a possibility that he'd have to fight Even on this. But he didn't think it was more than a possibility. He didn't think it'd actually happen.

"Nei, baby. I'll stay here and I promise, I'll come back as soon as I am feeling a bit better."

Isak looked at Even in askance. He knew Even had no reason to stay here except for some vague notion of sparing him from seeing him like this. He wanted to call out Even on this but he didn't want to get too riled up so he decided to tackle the issue a bit diplomatically.

"Even, is this the last time you are going to be like this?"

Even didn't understand.

"What do you mean?"

"Is this the last time this "trial and error" thing is going to happen?"

Even closed his eyes, his face was calm and there were not any visible expressions on his face. Although, Isak could see the movement behind the closed eyes indicating just how much restless he was actually. He opened his eyes slowly and Isak was looking at him unwavered.

"No."

"So are you going to do this everytime? Everytime this happens, would you run away or send me someplace so that I don't have to deal with it?" Isak's voice was now a bit louder.

Even didn't say anything. He just kept looking at him.

"So I suggest you stop this. I have to learn, Even so that I can be with you in a way that you need me to. How will I learn if you don't let me stay with you?"

"I just don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me." Said Even.

Isak recognized the insecurities in this sentence. It was the same when his insecurities would surface. He wanted to ensure Even just how much he wanted him. Not out of any obligations, but out ot want, out of need.

"I don't feel like i have to take care of you. I want to, Even. You've done it so many times for me. Isn't how this whole relationship thing works? You wanted it, didn't you?"

Even took some time before saying anything. He looked like he was having an internal battle with himself and Isak would be lying if he said that he didn't recognized this also. It felt like an eternity when Even said the one word.

"Okay."

It was one word and probably one of the most used word in the English language. Isak never realized how much power this word had until now. All of his doubts left and his heart swelled with pure joy.

"Okay? Okay."

Isak sighed with relief and leaned down to kiss the top of Even's head. He placed his hand on Even's face, his fingers trailing on the patch of skin behind his ear and then getting lost in the blonde hair.

"But I'll still have to take care of few things before I go and considering you only have one day left here, there is no way I can go back with you. But I'll sort out things as quickly as possible. My manager is here too. He'll take care of the rest. I'll come back to you sometimes next week. I promise."

Isak took a moment to register everything that came out of Even's mouth. His earlier joy now leaving him with a whoosh. 

"What? Nei. Nei. You are coming back with me or I am staying here. That's it. I am not letting you stay away from me." Said Isak mirroring the facial expressions of a bratty child who demands the newest toy sitting on the shelf while stomping his feet on the floor.

Even chuckled with a fond look in his eyes and pulled Isak into his arms making him rest his head on his chest.

"This is called a compromise, baby. This is how relationships work. You meet in the middle. And do you really think I want to stay away from you? But I'll need a few days and I promise it'll be only a few days and we'll talk and Skype in the meanwhile."

Isak saw the juvenile way he was behaving and also knew Even was probably right but the promise of calling everyday and Skyping was something they previously also had agreed upon but never followed through. He knew it wasn't really Even's fault and he was being insufferable.

"Like last time?"

Even put his right hand index finger under his chin, making him look up.

"It won't be like last time, I promise." He kissed him on the lips to seal the deal.

The kiss did a little to make his heart worry less but he had no other way. He didn't want to be any more demanding. He knew Even wanted to be with him too just like he wanted to be with Even.

"So... Compromise, huh?" Said Isak with eyes full of mischief. He wanted to handle the other "hairy" situation.

"Yesss." Said Even dragging the word a bit, probably recognizing the look on Isak's face.

"So how about we do a compromise regarding this" he said while tugging softly on Even's beard " I want it gone. You want it to stay. How about we meet in the middle."

"Middle? Like I shave one side?" Said Even squinting his eyes.

It made Isak roll his eyes and Even laughed. A full Even laugh where his eyes would close into a single line and his canines would show.

"Nei. You trim it. Make it look like that you only had a little more than stubble."

"Hmmm the hottie look?" Even said while looking at him teasingly.

Isak felt his cheeks heat up. Leave it on Even to make him embarrassed about something he had said while on the verge of being totally wasted.

"Yes." 

"Okay. Compromise." 

Isak did a mental victory dance and peppered little kisses on Even's face.

"But..."

Isak should have sensed the "but" coming. Even really is not the person to relent that easily. Isak looked at him, signalling for him to continue.

"I really don't have this much energy. So why don't you do it? And you can trim it as short as you want." Even said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and biting his lower lip.

Isak was more than turned on the sight. He was blushing too and his heart was beating faster than ever before. It was unfair of Even, he thought. So Isak kissed Even purposefully before he got up and ran for the bathroom to get the things he needed, leaving a similarly flustered Even behind.

He was disappointed and a little sad that Even won't be going back with him and he will have to wait for a few days before he sees him again but he was determined to make the most of this time. He felt like he was getting hooked on the drug called " Even" and was getting disappointed after realising that he won't be getting his fix for a few days. He really didn't mind it though.

In fact, he was more than desperate to get high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. I've tried to include some fluff and banter too. I just hope I haven't failed horribly. Don't forget to comment ❤


	8. A good fucking way to start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the wait but this I've had some bad days and I tried to write as much I could. Hope you enjoy it.

The goodbye part was difficult for Isak, way more than expected. As the hour of his departure approached, he got antsy. Even had been rolling back and forth between the pockets of haze and lucidity. But when it was the time for Isak to leave, Even was there. He tried to make something for them to eat but his body didn't have the energy and they ended up ordering in.

Isak had been trying to keep it together but when a strong wave of nausea hit Even, his resolve faltered and he told Even that he didn't want him to go through this alone.

"Isak, I've done this a hundred times. I know how to handle it. Don't worry about it and you have work. You can't stay anyway." Said Even while keeping his eyes closed. Tears were streaming down his cheeks after another fit of dry heaving which he was not even trying to wipe away, probably too tired or not even registering them.

"Fuck work. Its not important. You are important."   
The sight in front of Isak was not at all reassuring that Even will be okay.

"Yes, baby. Its important. I can handle it and I am not alone. Edward comes daily to check up on me. I'll see you in a few days." Even was now looking at Isak and was trying to muster all the energy he had to make Isak believe that he was okay but he was failing, oh he was failing miserably.

"Even..."

"Nei. I am not a baby, Isak. I can handle it and you have work. Please...just trust me."

Even's words felt somehow harsher and Isak realised he was doing this wrong. He had seen Even multiple times before and he never wants people hovering above him during such times. But he was in love with him and they've just reconciled. He didn't want to leave him ever, much less when he was puking his guts out.

Isak nodded his head, not trusting his words. He was not at all willing to leave him like that but Even was right, so Isak had to get ready to leave. Even was awoke when his taxi arrived. They said goodbyes inside the apartment and outside the apartment while waiting for the elevator to arrive.

He knew he'd see Even in a few days but still his heart was heavy when he left the building. Even wanted to go with him to the airport but Isak refused. Even didn't really had the energy but it was the thought that counted.

They kept kissing even when the taxi was already downstairs waiting for Isak. Neither of them were willing to separate. They kept whispering the same sentence over and over.

"Its just for a few days."

"Its just for a few days."

One would break free from the kissing and laugh at the absurd way they were clinging to each other while the other smashed their lips together again. They had spent the last two days making out and cuddling in the bed but it still felt like they haven't done enough of that.

Even had already called his manager, Edward, a man in his forties and who looked like someone who didn't have a single second to waste. He was typing furiously on his one phone while simultaneously talking with someone on his second phone when he entered the apartment earlier in the day.

Edward wasn't particularly happy about the situation that they have to leave in a few days and he didn't bother hiding it. He complained about Even's sudden decision making nature and looked at Isak for support, obliviously not knowing that Isak was probably the reason for all this haste.

So when Even was out of earshot, Isak asked Edward to take care of Even and the man gave him and offended and indignant look making Isak realize that he wasn't just Even's manager, they had some sort of weird friendship going on.

Isak has always found the dynamic between Edward and Even a little strange but Even liked him so he never said anything.

Edward was already making calls by the time Even told him and left the apartment in a hurry of someone going on an important mission. 

Isak had offcourse tried to convince Even that Edward could take care of everything but Even said he was needed to stay there to personally take care of few things. He needed to go visit his doctor about the prescriptions and the transfer back to his doctor in Oslo.

By the time Isak reached Oslo and his apartment, it was already somewhat late. They have been texting back and forth before the plane took off but after it, Even didn't reply. He was asleep, Isak figured. So he texted "I already miss you." to Even while rolling his eyes on his own neediness and desperation.

He woke up to a "I miss you too" and a red heart from Even.

It was a good fucking way to start a morning according to Isak. He was in a great mood when Eskild and Vilde came. Jonas also came to see him but he had work so he didn't stay for more than 5 minutes but it was enough for him to gauge Isak's happiness. He left promising to come in the evening with Eva.

 

Eskild was saying something but Isak was busy staring at a selfie Even has sent him. He was wearing the same t-shirt that Isak had wore during his stay. Isak had a sappy look on his face and when Eskild raised his eyebrows in amusement, Isak didn't even bother hiding it or rolling his eyes or groaning. No. He goofily grinned at him and if Eskild hadn't known the reason already, he'd have probably called the ambulance to take him to a hospital.

It was so out of his nature, yet Isak had never felt so at ease with himself. The happiness came so naturally from somewhere deep and he let himself ravel in it.

But apparently the world wasn't this happy. When he reached to the studio, Emma was giving him stinky looks and she didn't hang around him at all that day. It had to be because of the talk Isak had with the director. He could have gone to her and told her the reason as to why he didn't want to do the photos. It must have hurt her pride or something. She was a beautiful girl and it must have not felt good. He understood that. He could have told her how she was barking up the wrong tree when she showed any interest in him but the memes that Even was sending him seemed far more interesting and important so Isak didn't do any of it.

In fact, he didn't make any effort himself too.

He spent part of his free time between scenes to search for the perfect reply to Even and the rest of the time he spent talking with Even. Even was supposed to go meet with his doctor today. He was also supposed to change his set today. Even had told him that his doctor was thinking about putting him on a new antidepressant. He wanted to know of they were trying it or not.

Isak called him as soon as he got back from the shoot but Even didn't pick up. He didn't reply to his texts either. Isak tried to not let his mind think the worst there. He knew how the meds worked.

Everyone came to his apartment and they spend time eating pizza, drinking and Isak telling them about Even and him getting together. Some bills were exchanged between his friends and when Isak found out that there was an ongoing bet between all of them on how long it will take "Evak" to actually sleep together. He just flipped them off, not knowing what else to say anyway.

He didn't tell them that he and Even had already slept together once neither did he tell them that they didn't sleep together in Denmark.

It seemed too personal to share. He didn't know what Even will say about their friends placing a bet on them getting together. He'd probably jump around with happiness giving his nature. He'd want to share this with everyone. He'd probably even tell some random person like a receptionist at a hotel that they were together. 

Even absolutely believed in PDA and even though Isak hated it, he wanted to do that now, feel that. He wanted to tell everyone how happy he was that now he was with Even.

He never knew that he had such desires but Even had proved that he had the capacity to unearth Isak's deep buried desires and then suddenly it was all Isak could ever think about.

He had seen himself change after Even came into his life. If Isak had come out of his perpetual grumpy teenager phase (even after he no longer was a teenager), Even had a preety big role in it. Even made him want to change, be a better version of himself, someone who showed that he cared.

Even made everyone around feel important and loved while Isak was the sarcastic and grumpy person who always came across as cold and rude. It was a miracle that Even wanted him in the first place. He wondered often about it actually.

It were his insecurities flowing in his veins with his blood that made him think like that.

Even after having a significant fan base, he'd still have a hard time believing that people liked him and wanted him. 

His insecurities weren't gone. He knew that they were still there. He was just now adamant on not letting them ruin his life with Even.

Jonas stayed with him after everyone had left. He didn't ask or demand any details. He just offered that whenever Isak needed to talk about anything he was always welcome. Jonas knew about his insecurities enough to understand that they will never leave him this easily. He knew that once in a while they'd come soaring back to the surface and he'll need someone to not let him fuck up things again.

Jonas knew him better than everyone else. He had been there for him since they were kids. He always understood what Isak wanted from him. He never pushed more than Isak was comfortable with, never demanded answers that Isak didn't want to give. It took Jonas a while to learn about Isak but he perfected his ways to just be what Isak needed.

Even was also the same but he didn't know every details of his past to perfect it. He was just that person by nature.

When Isak was in the last year of high school, he had a secret thing going on with a married older man. When his wife found out about it, she hunted down Isak and poured all of her anger and frustration on Isak. She blamed him for seducing her husband and called him a gold digger. 

Isak never took any money from him. He didn't need money, not at the time anyway. His parents gave him more than he needed, out of guilt to compensate for the parental love they should have given him. He needed intimacy and a sense of care from the man and that's why Isak stuck around so long even after knowing about his wife.

He didn't mind everything else that she said to him, he deserved it. Although, he had always thought that the seduction thing was mutual but he took the blame anyway, thinking that he did reciprocate and sometimes made advances too. 

He knew there was no love in between them. They both knew. But there was need. Need to be themselves around someone else, need to feel the naked skin of another human being, need to be away from everyone they knew, even for a few hours in a week. That's why he knew it was also not just sex either.

Her calling him a gold digger was a blow to his heart. It made all of his feelings invalidated.

It hurt.

So Isak stood outside Jonas' door at midnight, wasted and crying. Jonas didn't ask anything else. He just hugged him to sleep and when Isak insisted on leaving in the morning, he didn't let him leave before making him eat something first.

Jonas never asked why was Isak at his door that night, wasted and crying.

Nobody knows about this part of Isak's past except Even. Isak told him one night when their friends were passed out outside in the living room and he and Even had retreated into his bedroom. They were sharing their most embarrassing moments when Isak told him. It qualified as an embarrassing moment, Isak thought, considering he had to listen to her in a crowded coffee shop go on and on about how he seduced and took advantage of his husband.

But by the time he was finished telling it, it turned into more of a sad story.

By the definition of durations, it was Isak's longest relationship ever, secret and wrong but longest.

Isak realised it was sad when he was finished telling it. He was scared of Even thinking less of him so he avoided looking at him but Even put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him into his side. He then proceeded telling Isak about the time when he was manic and went outside his house naked thinking it was ridiculous to wear clothes all the time as everyone knew how the naked human body looks like anyway and how police officers found him before something bad happened to him but won't release him until his parents had to get his medical records.

It was Even's attempt to make him feel better after he told the story. When Isak had started telling the story, he thought it will be funny. His drunk and high mind made him believe that it was like one of those stories which are embarrassing when they happen but after a while you start to tell them in parties and laugh with your friends.

Once in a while, his subconscious pulled tricks like that, probably to rid of the burdens that Isak had put onto it. Sometimes he felt relieved and sometimes he still felt relieved but embarrassed too. It was the later that time.

They were soon laughing so hard that their stomachs were hurting and tears were streaming down their cheeks. Their stories were not funny but they were laughing. He had never laughed this hard. He didn't know at what they were laughing though.

It is one of Even's best quality. He never judges anybody based on their past and Isak realises how hard it is to actually follow all the time. 

Judgment comes naturally to humans in the form of perception where every sensation registered by our senses and reaching to our brain is already tainted by our thoughts, past experiences, expectations and our views on a particular thing. We very rarely see things as they are. That is the drawback of perception. Its nothing but judgement.

Even never changed the way he looked at him. The love, awe, and affections were always there. 

He woke up in the morning again to "a red heart" and "I miss you" from Even.

This was a good fucking way to start every morning, he realised.

This was a new arena for him. He and Even had been like this before also, meme buddies but without the red hearts but this longing has never been there. There was a constant ache in his heart that he quite couldn't place. It had been there before too but it came and went with Even. But now Even wasn't there with him but his heart still ached upon hearing his name or even reading his name on the screen of his phone. But this ache was now accompanied by a warm feeling spreading to his whole body. Was it love? Isak could never comprehend the concept of love. He used to think that he was on love with Jonas in high school but it never felt like this to him. After Jonas he never thought about anyone else like this until Even came into his life.

He thought it was ridiculous that how much he was missing Even. They were constantly chatting and he knew that Even will be back in a few days but still he felt like something was missing from his life. He realised he was gone completely.

So the next night when he couldn't sleep, he tried to get hold of the extent that he had been gone. He got scared. He didn't know if it was healthy or good that he missed Even this much. He didn't know if this feeling will stay always or it'd fade away with time. He didn't also know what to feel about the feeling going away or staying too. There were so many questions still lying and usually he'd obsess over them and then think fuck it as he'd take the coward's way out and avoid everything all together.

His instinct was saying again this to him. To "fuck it" and avoid everything but that meant hurting Even. When he was running away from Even before, the goal was to save Even from him. But now he'd hurt him by running away. So now he decided "Fuck it. I'll cross that bridge when I reach it. Now I am going to love Even."

He was ready for Even to come back and start a life with him. However long it lasts, he'd try his hardest to not fuck it up. He figured it'd be a good life anyway considering Even was in it.

It was a good fucking way to start this new life.

 

After three days when Isak came back to his apartment after shoot, he found luggage near the door. He immediately ran inside to find Even sleeping peacefully on the couch. He was wearing a ridiculous amount of layers and it seemed like that as soon as he got inside the apartment, he slept on the first available surface. He was still wearing his shoes and half of his legs were dangling off the couch. Isak stared at the sight in front of him. 

Even looked breathtakingly beautiful and so innocent that Isak felt a little bit wrong for staring. But one part of him ravelled at the thought that he alone was lucky enough to witness this beautiful man sleeping in his home, at his couch.

He sat on the centre table facing Even and stroked Even's cheek tenderly as to not disturb him but Even blinked his eyes open.

"Halla!" His voice was heavy with sleep and Isak thought that he shouldn't find it this sexy but he did.

"Halla!"

Even sat up and leaned forward to kiss Isak and Isak met him the halfway. The kiss was slow and felt like stretching into minutes before they broke apart. They rested their foreheads against each other as they tried to catch their breaths. There was a small smile on Even's face when he intertwined his fingers with Isak's. Isak stared at their locked hands and felt something swell up in him and reaching upto his throat. He was sure that if he looked at Even right then, he'd surely cry.

"I thought you were going to come tomorrow?" Said Isak nuzzling his nose on Even's neck and hoping that Even couldn't hear the barely hidden tears in his voice.

"Yeah...but I finished earlier and there was a seat available on the plane so I came today. Its okay, right?"

"Its more than okay. Its awesome." Said Isak looking up at Even and tilting his head to capture Even's lips with his own.

And they were kissing again. Isak sat on Even's lap and wrapping himself around him. Even reciprocated by wrapping his arms around him and pulling him impossibly closer. The pace of the kissing varied from slow and savouring to hungry, frantic and consuming.

"Can I stay here with you?" Even asked still trying to catch his breath and looking at Isak with love, hope,excitement and a little nervousness.

"You can." 

Isak kissed him mainly to reassure him and also to taste his lips again, just because he could now.


	9. Rollercoaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak hated rollercoasters as a child. He hated the ride and the aftermaths where he felt queasy and nauseated. He vowed to never go near a rollercoaster again, well not a physical one at least. The metaphorical one though, not only he took a ride, he came to the other end stronger and more in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second last chapter. I want to say thanks to everyone who left comments, kudos and even took time to read it. I enjoyed writing and I hope you enjoyed reading.

One of the most amazing thing about waking up next to the person you love is that you get to see them when they are vulnerable yet beautiful and soft. When the physical, mental and emotional fights that they fight with the world and themselves come to a halt and the brain tries to repair the wear and tear occurred in the long day. The soft glow of the morning sun piercing through the fabric of the curtains casts a light on the features and details of their face, making them look even more breathtaking and beautiful, sometimes exactly like how poets describes the beauty of the muses. No matter how evil people are and how much hate is filled inside them or if they are someone with a permanent resting bitch face, if you see them when they are sleeping, you could almost believe that they are the most innocent person to ever exist.

But if they are someone like Even who is a kind and loving soul, then sleep accentuates everything upto hundred folds. Isak had seen Even like this with negligible distance between them. He adored this side of Even and regretted the time he spent devoid of the sight. If he feels slightly envious of all those people who got to see Even like this before him, he believes it is justified without any further explanations and reasoning whatsoever.

But the other amazing thing about waking up next to the person you love is seeing them looking at you with the exact same expressions and adoration in their eyes. Seeing them tracing the details of your face gives the exact thrill and satisfaction as you get when you look at them and perhaps even more. Isak learned this when he woke up next to Even already looking at him and his fingers roaming around his face, neck and chest exploring and fingertips slightly pressing into his skin.

"You look so good in the morning. So soft." Even kissed him on his forehead, cheek and then on the lips, chaste and soft. " All of your grumpy attitude gone. You don't look like someone who is barely able to tolerate the world around him."

Isak decided to ignore the jab at him for being grumpy. He now almost believed that it was part of his charm and he'll no longer defend it.

" Just in the morning? I thought I look good every time of the day." Isak scoffed and teased just to be difficult but he was enjoying it too much. Also it felt good to hear Even talk about him like that.

Even usually made comments about him looking good and the words included "beautiful", "fucking hot" and even "cute" too sometimes. It wasn't really an unknown experience for him but somehow it felt new. The difference, Isak realized, was that now he could enjoy them openly instead of doing a customary eye roll and then pretending that Even said nothing of the sort and that his heart wasn't beating hard and fast against his rib cage.

"Na. I don't mean it like this. You look good every time but you look extra beautiful and soft when you have just woken up. I can't believe I never got to see this before."

It was way too early to address the underlying reason for it so Isak said nothing but scooted closer to Even and kissed him while maneuvering to get on top of him.

"Well, you'll get to see me like this everyday from now on."

Even immediately caged him with his arms around him and brought him down to kiss him.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

He didn't mind that all of his friends had a duplicate key to his apartment. In fact, sometimes when he came home tired, feeling dejected and found someone already there, he liked it.

But today he didn't like this one bit. Not at all. 

The loud noises that they made when entering into the apartment were enough to make them startle and break the make out session going on with him on top of Even. And the face Even made after hearing them was enough to convince Isak that he was not ready to deal with all of them together. So Isak offered to throw them out so that he could enjoy some quiet moments with Even before he had to leave but Even said that he missed them all and wanted to say hello to everyone so they decided to go out of the room.

It was a good thing that their friends were not banging on their door but were waiting for them to come out but they could have waited a bit quietly instead of turning his house into a fish market. But he needed them so Isak decided to not let his frustration show. He had asked them to be with Even when he will have to leave for shoot and their friends were more than happy to oblige.

Except for the big bear hug that Magnus engulfed Even into as soon as they were out of the bedroom door, their friends were considerably cool about the whole situation. None of them made any comments about the flushed cheeks, wild hair and swollen and bruised lips that adorned both of their faces.

They had brought breakfast with them so Isak thought he could tolerate them. Noora and Sana were supposed to take the first shift and Isak was glad for it. They knew exactly how to take care of Even without being overwhelming. 

After some days, they all except Eskild were in the living room, talking and eating. Even was sleeping so they were keeping it quiet or trying to. Its not easy to keep Eva quiet when she has had a good amount of alcohol in her system. After a while, Even came outside to join them and immediately curled into Isak's side, hiding his face into his neck. Apart from some curious and surprised glances, none of their friends seemed to mind the new development. For years he had to see Jonas and Eva suck faces or Magnus and vilde literally spit coffee in each other's mouths for the brief time that they were together. He and Even were neither making out, not yet anyway nor were spitting into each other's mouths. They just needed to feel the weight of each other. 

Its funny how the body weight of another person pressing you down can actually make you feel afloat and suddenly you are not drowning anymore. These past few months Isak felt like this. He felt like he was drowning in himself, although the vast sea of loneliness was chosen by himself but now he felt rescued.

Their friends were talking about something but Isak was barely listening anymore. He was lost in looking at the man lying on his chest. The angle was a bit awkward and he couldn't see Even's face entirety but it didn't matter. He could see the curve of his nose, the outline of his lips and it was enough for now. After every few minute, Even will shift and burrow into his chest as to get even more closer. He was being clingier than usual but Isak didn't mind. He himself felt like this, to stay with him every minute of the day. If someone was to say that they were being co-dependent, so be it. He knew they went from one pole to the opposite pole very quickly, from not even talking to each other to now staying together. But they had spent way too much time apart that they were just making up for that.

Even's mother came to see them a two days ago and Even was still being clingy and for some reason Isak couldn't stop but feel happy. He had a small smile on his face everytime Even pulled him towards himself or made a whining sound whenever Isak tried to put a distance between them, consciously or unconsciously. She saw it but didn't comment on it.

She had always known about them. She was an observant person and she caught Isak a few times in the past staring at Even. Isak would avoid her eyes and she'd give him a knowing smirk.

The next few weeks were like a rollercoaster ride. Even's moods were all over the place. Sometimes he'd hold on to Isak so hard that Isak had to physically pull him off him so that he could go to work. Even won't leave him after he'd come back and they'd sleep with Even still holding him.

Sometimes he'd get emotional. They were watching Romeo+Juliet on a Sunday afternoon because Isak had an off day. It was one of the favourite movies of Even and he had watched it several times already, some of them with Isak too but it still didn't matter because he cried his eyes out when they got near to the end. No matter what Isak did or said, Even won't stop crying. So Isak hugged him tight and close to his heart until he tired himself out and fell asleep.

But it was not all there was. Yes, Even wanted to stay close to him but there were sometimes when he wanted to disappear and won't even look at Isak. Isak could see the veil in his eyes when Even didn't seem to notice anybody or anything around him.

Those days were the hardest. Sometimes Even won't talk for an entire day and spend the whole day either sleeping or looking at the ceiling or the walls. He'd flinch whenever Isak tried to get close and ask Isak to leave him alone. Isak would leave him alone for the time being and try not to feel bad. He knew Even wasn't doing it because he wanted to. Isak was learning slowly, to take care of Even, to soothe him whenever he was emotional and upset, to not get upset whenever Even snapped and snarled at him.

Isak always tried to not get affected by his outburst. He was an actor and he thought that even if did affect him, he'd have to pretend like it didn't. Because as soon as Even calmed down, he'd regret everything and then feel guilty over it. Isak will forget the whole thing but Even would keep on feeling guilty and then apologising for it, despite Isak's assurances that he didn't need to apologize for it or feel guilty because this was not at all any good for someone already feeling down.

That day was like one of these days. Even was in one of those moods where he just wanted to get lost in the blankets and not deal with anyone. Isak had been trying to get him to eat something but Even refused to even entertain the idea. Eating was necessary so that he could take his meds so Isak tried again and he was only able to utter out his name but apparently it was the last straw for Even. 

He snapped. He was angrier than Isak had ever seen him. It was all so sudden that Isak visibly flinched and stumbled back a few steps. Even noticed it because his expressions changed immediately but he didn't say anything. He turned around, pulled the blanket and hid himself entirely into the sheets by making himself impossibly smaller and smaller.

Isak stood there dumbfounded and unable to respond for the few upcoming moments but he collected himself and left Even alone. He was affected by Even's reaction there was no doubt about it. But he also was angry at himself that he let it show because this meant that Even was now thinking about his reaction too, on top of everything dark that goes through his mind.

He tried to calm himself down by distracting himself. He called Jonas. Jonas has been thinking about purposing to Eva for some time now so they talked about it. He had doubts like whether they were too young to get married or whether Eva would like it or if she'd get angry and break up with him.

Isak tried his hardest to give his honest and genuine opinion about it. He knew Eva well enough. He had seen them since before high school and save the two years when they broke up, their relationship has been good. Jonas was still in confusion so Isak asked him to take some more time and look for hints about Eva's thoughts on marriage.

It was after midnight when he was lying on the couch and trying to fall asleep and watching a black and white movie on cable. It was a boring movie but he was still not falling asleep. So he picked up his phone and started scrolling through his private instagram account. There were some photos of the gang that he liked but his main aim was to search for the perfect memes to show Even when he heard the bedroom door being opened. He peered in the back to look and there stood Even at the threshold.

He was fidgety and avoiding looking Isak in the eyes. Isak could see the guilt on his face. He couldn't let Even suffer unnecessarily because Isak was no longer feeling bad or hurt after what happened earlier.

So he extended his hand for Even to take. Even hesitated for a second but then he took his hand and instead of walking around the couch, he used his long legs to climb the back of the couch and settled beside Isak in one quick motion. The whole thing was so quick and funny that Isak couldn't help but laugh. Even immediately assumed his favourite position of these days which was to wrap his arms around Isak's middle and rest his head on his chest.

Isak kissed the top of his head and gently started threading his finger in hair which were getting longer than Even usually likes.

"This movie is good."

Only Even could like that movie, Isak was sure of it. For him though, it was so boring that he could fall asleep watching it despite his history of insomnia if he had let himself watch it to be honest. His mind has been running wild.

"No. Its boring and pretentious."

Even huffed. "Then why are you watching it?"

" Too lazy to change the channel, I guess." 

Even hummed. They continued to watch that movie and Isak was still finding it too hard to follow the story or the dialogues. He had long ago given up on understanding it.

"I am sorry."

Isak was not even surprised to hear that, not anymore. He saw Even's guilt ridden face and his nervous fidgeting.

"What are saying sorry for, Even?"

Even didn't reply. Isak knew he is already thinking worst here and he had to intervene before he got too deep into his head.

"You don't have to apologise for being like this, Even. You didn't ask for this shit. Don't ever apologise."

"But I hurt you, Isak and I am hurting you. That's why I wanted to stay there and come back after I have sorted this mess out... "

"You didn't hurt me, Even. I know you didn't mean anything by that. I get it. I was hovering over you. I was just startled and besides nobody likes getting yelled at. I am over it. I am good, I promise...hey look at me, please."

When Even finally looked him in the eyes, Isak kissed him, slow and soft. He could still see the guilt and doubt behind his eyes but he decided to not say anything else. He knew Even was not in a state to understand it. He was probably overthinking everything. Isak almost understood it. He had to wait until Even's mood improved a bit and then he'll tell him again and again until Even believed him. He himself goes through this sometimes, not believing any good thing people say about him. After a while, sleep took them on a sweet escape and they slept right there, still embracing each other.

Hurt. 

Isak hated the word now. His misguided attempts to stay away from Even had their forsaken origin from this word. His fears of hurting Even led him to not give into his desire to be with him. Now, Even was fearing the same. He couldn't let Even walk on this path which didn't led to anywhere else except loneliness and funnily enough, hurt.

Ah. The irony.

Sure, life is long and unpredictable. May be he'd hurt him or vice versa. But at least, they'd be together in this. They were already hurting staying away from each other and were miserably alone. Now, if they get hurt, they at least won't be alone. Not anymore.

Just when things were going bleaker by the second, after the long and agonizing wait of weeks, a ray of hope emerged as the new antidepressant started showing its result. Even's symptoms were alleviated and there were not any extreme side effects. He was heading towards stability. There were not extreme ups and downs in his mood scale anymore and his appetite was returning to normal. The shine in his eyes and colours in his cheeks were now also visible and Isak couldn't be anymore happy.

But he was with Even. Off course, he could be more happy. He never should have underestimated Even. He had the power to surprise Isak, as he had already proven several times in the past. Which is why when Isak came back home one day, he found him sitting on the couch waiting for him. Even was wearing a white shirt with black tie and black dress pants. He had shaved, which was a very much appreciated thing, if you ask Isak. His hair were styled and he looked so beautiful that Isak stopped in his way and stood there admiring and failing to make coherent sentences.

Even stood up and looked nervous.

"Hi."

"What's going on here?" Isak asked as he made his way to Even almost on instinct when he saw him being nervous. He touched his arm to soothe him and started moving his palm up and down slowly to calm him down.

Well, that did the trick because now Even was beaming, a big grin plastered on his mouth, eyes crinkling at the corner and eyebrows raised.

"We are going on a date."

" A date?" Isak couldn't believe the words. What was with Even and his obsession with romance.

"Yes. You owe me a date. I am doing everything right this time. I told you before that I want to take you on a date and I am also going to make you breakfast in the morning."

Isak had already agreed to give him anything he wanted, so a date was not at all a big deal. He thought that he could enjoy a date this time. He didn't even remember the last time he went on a date. Probably sometime in high school when he was still kissing girls and trying to fool himself and the world that he liked girls as much as any hormonal 16 year old teenager boy did.

"We are going on a date." Said Isak trying to match Even's level of happiness but it was seemingly impossible as his face didn't even have the muscles to produce a smile that big. He hated his younger self for not smiling much and practicing.

This earned him a passionate kiss and a hug from Even.

Guess what, world. Isak Valtersen, the cold hearted bitch, is going on a date with the man he loves most in the world and he couldn't be happier than that.

Isak believes in parallel universes and that has been a source of comfort and discomfort, depending upon the context. Sometimes, he'd be relieved by knowing that somewhere in one of the universes, there is one Isak who is getting every good thing he deserves, who is brave enough to go after what he wants.

Sometimes though, he'd be extremely envious of that Isak for being that brave, for having the courage to let himself desire. Sometimes, he'd be afraid thinking what if every Isak in every universe is as miserable as him, though being the science nerd he is, he knows that the law of probability states that its not possible but what the logic and reason can do when you are that adamant on self pity.

But there is one thing that he hopes is true in every one of those infinite universe. That every Isak has his Even. That they have found each other and are staying together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off course I had to include the parallel universes somehow. Haha. And the thing that Vilde did with coffee. You gotta admit it was ridiculous :D


	10. Ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter. Can't believe I fucking finished it, considering my history with projects that have nothing to do with grades or academics. Anyways enjoy.

Eskild Tryggvason was a lot of things to Isak. He was a friend, old roommate, his manager, his Guru ( his words, not Isak's), someone who took care of him when he had no one (some left him on their own and he pushed some away on his own), someone who took him to bars to meet guys and gave advice on whom to trust and who not to. He was loud as they come, figuratively and otherwise. He barged into Isak's room at times, a fact which was appreciated or thoroughly hated by Isak depending upon the situation.

Today was the day when Isak hated this habit of his Guru.

He was in bed with Even. It wasn't late in the morning but Even had woke him by peppering kisses along his back, neck and arms and now they have been making out, sharing lazy kisses with some heated ones sprinkled in between. They were tired from the last night's multiple and one early morning sex sessions. So neither of them had enough energy to go for another round but they were also not willing to stay apart. They were lying on their sides facing each other while their hands were on each other's bodies. Isak could feel Even growing hard and it was a such a relieving and exciting sensation at the same time. He had been starved for this and with Even fighting to stay lucid these few weeks, sex seemed like a thing which was just too much to ask for.

He didn't complain. It was still hard to believe that Even was with him sometimes that he was more than willing to wait for everything else and universes had rewarded him. They have been fucking a lot and by " a lot " it means that their friends have started making jokes about Isak and Even being a rare sight to them and when they finally took some time out to see them, their friends made an enormously dramatic show of taking their pictures so that "they can remember what their faces looked like".

He pushed his leg between Even's thighs and started moving it back and forth slowly to run against Even's growing hardness. The touch and sounds coming out of Even's mouth were enough to make him hot and bothered himself and he was thinking about taking things forward, no energy be damned when Eskild barged into their room. 

Even turned to look at him while Isak looked for the sheets to cover both of them.

"What the fuck, Eskild? Don't you know how to fucking knock? Jesus." He managed to get it out. He was getting redder by the second and it was more because of the anger and also because of the embarrassment. He tried to make his voice sound as angry as possible so that it looked like it was because of the anger only. He didn't know if it worked. 

Eskild just sighed. " Ugh. Can you two please stop humping each other for a second and come out. I have an important thing to talk about." With that he was out if the room but closed the door, so at least that was good enough.

Isak put his face in between both of his hands and groaned loudly. Beside him, Even chuckled and kissed the back of Isak's hands that were still resting on his face.

"Come on. I think its something important. He looked serious." Even was already out of the bed and looking for clothes to wear. Isak was in no hurry to see Eskild. He was still angry.

"I am gonna take a shower. I cant deal with him right now." Isak looked at Even who was now wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.

"Okay. I am gonna make breakfast. Hurry up." Even kissed him once more but slipped out when Isak tried to get him back into the bed.

"Come on, Baby." Even said while smiling at the expressions on Isak's face. Isak was pouting, no shame in accepting that. "Can't believe you'd rather hang out with Eskild than lay down in the bed with me and make out."

"No. I am gonna make breakfast and then we'll eat so that we have enough energy to fuck." Even said while wiggling his eyebrows and an amused grin on his face. "See, I have an ulterior motive to do this. Now, why don't you get out of bed too so that we can deal with Eskild and then get to the fun things."

This was enough to spring Isak into action. He made his way to the bathroom while Even went to kitchen laughing at his boyfriend's ridiculousness. 

Isak made his way to the kitchen after a quick shower. Both Eskild and Even were talking in hushed tones, their eyes were concentrated on the tablet on the table and their faces were serious. A wave of worry and restlessness ran through Isak's body but he decided to ignore it, until he confirmed what was happening.

"What's wrong?" He asked and both of their heads jerked upwards to look at him. Then they both shared a look, which Isak thought bordered into dread but he thought to himself that he was probably being dramatic. "Did Trump finally managed to start the world war three and nuked some poor country?" He joked as he walked to them, instinctively snuggling into Even's side as Even put his arm around his waist.

Neither of them spoke which was enough to strengthen his doubts. "Guys, what's wrong. You are worrying me now." Even kissed his forehead while Eskild looked at him with something akin to assurance or sympathy? Isak couldn't decide.

"There is a rumour." Eskild said while gesturing towards the tablet. Even's fingers dug into his skin as Isak leaned to pick up the device.

The first thing he noticed was a photograph. Two figures were sitting on a bench and kissing. The photo was taken from the back but he could still make out the faces despite it being night in the photo but the faces were illuminated by the streetlight nearby.

It was the photo of him and Even. There was another photo of both of them. It was an old photo, probably from some award show that they had attended together. There were red hearts drawn all over it.

He couldn't read what was written there, nor he could read the headline. The brightness of the screen suddenly stung in his eyes, so he put it back on the table.

"Baby..." Even said and embraced him, making him rest his head on his chest. Isak looked at Eskild expectantly. He wanted to hear what was written there, figuring he had not enough focus to read it himself.

" Its published this morning. It says that you two are living together for some months now and having an affair. It says that the picture was taken in the park behind the building and after that you guys came to the apartment together. They are also saying that you've also had relations with other guys too. They are not taking any names though."

Isak remembered the night. It was a week ago when Even couldn't sleep so they decided to go for a walk and ended up in the park. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular while sharing kisses and hugs. It was a good time. They both were so happy after and Isak was giggling the whole way back when Even was telling him about something funny that had happened in Denmark.

"Isak..."

He heard Even call his name and then he realised that he was spaced out. He had no idea how to react to it. He knew that one day this will come out and after getting together with Even, he knew that time will be even sooner. Because Even had been dropping hints about them officially moving in together, not just temporarily. But he wanted it to be on his own terms. Not being outed by the paparazzi and their privacy violating photographs. Not by being the topic of hot gossip. 

"Isak, we'll do whatever you want to do here. Vilde is coming too. Whether you want to deny it or accept it or just don't want to say anything altogether, we are with you. Just tell us what do you want to do." Eskild was looking at him calmly while Even was running his fingers through his hair soothingly.

Isak looked at Even who nodded his head supporting Eskild. It felt too tiring now so Isak gestured towards the chair and Even let him sit down. He picked up the tablet again and looked at the article again. Eskild had already given him the gist of everything that was written there. The rest were words that seemed too imposing and degrading to Isak, they seemed to define their relationship in cheesy words and Isak knew how not so cheesy was it actually. The paparazzi didn't know about the sleepless nights, aching hearts and loneliness that they both had to endure to get where they were now.

"Its no big deal, I guess." Isak said after seeing that both Eskild and Even were growing restless on his silence. He had to say it. There was no point in feeling otherwise, there was no way he could undone the whole thing. It had happened already.

But he really felt like it was a big deal. Yes, his privacy was violated, his relationship was made public without his consent. There was fear of being treated differently now. He had fears that once he comes out, he'd always be a "gay man" and not "a man who happens to be gay". He knew about the harmful generalizations surrounding the community. He himself was that person once who associated flashy outfits, mascara, tights and gossiping about the Kardashians with being gay. Eskild had once given him a stern talking on this making Isak realise just how deep his internalized homophobia ran actually in his teenage years.

" Offcourse Its a big deal, Isak. Being outed like this, not on your own terms and without you choosing the timing and manner yourself is not cool. No matter who it is that gets outed whether it is a celebrity or a high school student." 

Isak knew Even was right but what was he supposed to do here anyway.

"I know that, Even. But its okay. Offcourse, I would've liked to chose the timing and manner myself. But it is what it is." He said to Even who was sitting on another chair beside him and was holding his hand.

"So? What do you want to do now?" Eskild asked looking somewhat relieved that Isak was not losing his mind. Isak couldn't really do that. He had learned that there are certain perks to being a celebrity as there are certain disadvantages too. Getting in the midst of gossips was one of such disadvantages.

"What do you want to do?" He asked Even. Even was already out. He never hid his sexuality from the media. It wasn't that he was outed but it was his privacy that was breached. He had every right to be angry there but Isak realised that Even was angry on his behalf. "Its your life too which is now the topic of gossips?". 

"I don't care. We'll do whatever it is that you want to do." Even said and kissed him in the lips. Isak didn't know what to do anyway. He knew he didn't want to deny it. He always thought that if someone ever asked him, he won't lie. He was asked about his romantic life in interviews a lot of time, whether he was single or dating someone and he always said he was single. No one ever asked him which gender he was attracted to, he never told them himself. Suddenly he found himself wishing he should have had told them.

Vilde arrived after sometime along with Magnus and Jonas. They were all discussing the fallout. Fans were asking about it on his official Facebook, Instagram and Twitter accounts. There were calls from several magazines and TV channels about it and whether Isak wanted to do the interview to officially come out. The PR team from the Olsen movie has also called. Olsen himself has called to discuss it.

But Isak felt eerily calm in all the chaos. He was not panicking or freaking out. He was sitting on the couch between Jonas and Even. Even had his arm around his shoulders. All Isak could concentrate on was Even's fingers digging into his skin. Even noticed it too as he started moving his fingers up and down his arm.

"But how could they have known? Someone must have tipped them off? Isak, who do you think could have done it?"

Isak didn't have any answer to Jonas' question. Who indeed could have done it? There were not many people who knew about it. Not new anyway. And if the people who had known already wanted to do it, they could have done it long ago. The only new person who knew about it was Olsen.

But Olsen was understanding. He told Isak that he won't do anything like that and beside he didn't have any reason to do it. Isak did everything he was asked to do to promote the movie. He did the interviews, panels, videos and challenges for the social media sites. In fact, he was on tour around the country for almost whole of the past month. There was no reason for them to go this way.

"The only new person I told was Olsen but he couldn't have done it?" His statement came out with a question mark at the end and he looked at Eskild and Vilde sitting in front of him and they looked at each other but did not answer him. They looked like they were seriously considering it.

"He must have done it. You said it himself that he wanted to do everything to promote the film. He wanted to do that Emma thing." Jonas said fully convinced and everyone else seemed to agree with him. But Isak didn't or more like he didn't want to agree. He had come to respect the man. He was passionate about his work. He was hardworking. He didn't seem like a guy who would go to this level just to promote the film but then "showbiz is a bitchy thing", he had said it himself to Isak.

"Nei. I don't think so. He won't do it." He looked at Even who was already looking at him.

"We don't know, Babe. Its possible." Even said looking apologetic. Isak couldn't take it anymore. Olsen had called him. He clearly wanted to talk about it. He decided to talk to him first and then decide what they should about it.

So Isak went to meet with him. Eskild, Vilde and Even wanted to go with him but he wanted to talk to him alone. Olsen was in the studio when Isak went to meet with him. Isak was now a common sight at the studio considering the amount of time he had spent there shooting, training and other things. It was more like his second home now because of the movie so people shouldn't have been looking at him like he was a new face there. But Isak felt eyes on him all the time and it was making him nervous.

Thankfully Olsen was alone in his office. Isak didn't want to waste anymore time after the initial greetings, a habit that Olsen himself followed and admired in other people. So he quickly got to the point asking whether he had anything to do with the rumour.

Olsen looked taken back as he couldn't believe Isak would even suggest that. "Isak, how could you even think that. Off course, I didn't do it. I would never allow such thing. That's why I called you here. To ask what you wanted to do about it. We, the studio will support you."

He looked sincere. And Isak almost believed him but he was also sure that if someone had tipped the paparazzi, it was someone from here.

"Did you tell anyone?" He asked.

Olsen looked pensive for a moment. "Well, I told Larsen, off course. He is the producer so I had to but he won't do it. Trust me." 

Isak didn't know who to trust anymore and he was getting angry.

"So as I was saying, we'll support you if you decide to come out. And we can also release a statement regarding it. What have you decided?" Olsen asked and Isak told him that he was in the process of deciding it. He left the studio still feeling eyes on him.

When he reached home, everyone was gone. Even was waiting for him. Isak told him about the meeting and they decided to ignore everything for the day. They watched a movie and slept earlier.

The reactions were mixed. Most people were accepting and supportive. Some even started making videos about their relationship which was a surreal experience, if Isak was being honest. Even liked some of the videos, praising their editing techniques which made Isak roll his eyes in fondness. He knew Even was saying all that to make him feel better and honestly it was working. 

They got some hateful comments too which was expected. Everyone was working too hard to not let both of them see those comments but its not like that they didn't know that homophobia still existed in the world.

Both of his parents called. Isak was not really in the mood to talk to them but Even was excited as it was his first time talking to them. He was also really excited to get introduced to them as Isak's boyfriend so they talked on Skype. They both seemed happy to talk to Even. Even's mom also called. But none of them seemed worried. In fact, they all were proud. It made both of them relax.

He got messages from his past hook ups including Julian. They were afraid if Isak would out them but Isak replied them that he won't. He knew that he won't do it. He won't make someone else go through the same ordeal. Julian was most supporting and kind. He was the only one who congratulated Isak about finally getting together with Even. He was indeed one of the good ones, Isak realised.

Isak just hoped that he will also find someone to love him like the way Even loved him. He deserved it. 

They decided against the elaborate TV or magazine interviews. Everyone agreed to post one statement on his official social media accounts.

"Yes, I am gay and proud and in love with the most amazing man." A picture of him and Even was also posted, taken with a rainbow flag in the background and Even kissing him on the cheek.

The production company issued a statement supporting Isak and it condemned the homophobic comments that were posted on social media sites. Some people called it a marketing tactic considering the release date of the movie were near but both the company and Isak himself distanced themselves from them.

Isak still got the calls for interviews but he politely declined them. But he was still busy in the promotions. His co workers showed a great support to him, publically and personally. The company was also able to persuade the channels and magazines to only ask the questions pertaining to the film and if they wanted to ask personal questions, they were pre approved from Isak himself.

Everything was going great until one evening when he was at a party hosted by one of his co worker. He saw Emma who was drunk and when Isak offered her a glass of water and took care of her until she sobered up a little that she blurted out everything. She was crying and apologising. At first he couldn't comprehend because her speech was slurred from being drunk and crying.

Apparently, she was hurt when Isak refused to do the pictures with her. She said that she liked him a lot. So she approached Larsen who told her that Isak was gay, mainly to calm her down and to make her believe that it wasn't because there was something wrong with her. She was still hurt and disappointed but she tried to get over it. One night, she was in a club and drunk, unsurprisingly, when she all but yelled everything to her friends. There were some reporters also at the party who approached her the next day asking for confirmation. She refused to say anything but it was enough to get them started.

Isak knew what happened next. They must have been following him from that time and when they finally got the evidence, it was published. Well, Isak had to give it to them that they actually waited for the photos rather than publish it anyway.

She was a crying mess but Isak wasn't angry with her, or with anyone really. He helped her get into a cab and told her that he wasn't mad at her, hoping that her drunk mind could sense his sincerity.

He told Even about it who seemed upset but when Isak told him why he wasn't angry, he relaxed. Isak wasn't angry because he felt free somehow, at peace with himself. There was no need to carefully chose the words before speaking, there was no need to hide anymore. Off course there were other issues that came with this too but he thought it was worth it because he was able to do this with Even.

So when he was asked if he'd bring a date for the premiere of the film, he knew he wanted to do this more than anything. Even was beaming when he heard about it and couldn't quite contain his happiness. Isak even got some sexual favours in return too, so that was also good.

They were both in black tuxedos and reporters, photographers and fans were waiting for them to get out of the car and step onto the red carpet. He was getting nervous now but Even took his hand in his own and smiled at him, Isak's favourite smile, the one which was the most genuine smile he had ever seen. He kissed Even for good luck and to calm himself down.

"You ready, Baby?" Even asked smiling which said "I am with you" and also that "If you want to bail, then we can do that too".

But Isak was more than ready. He had spent so much time hiding that the mere thought of not doing it seemed foolish.

"Yes. I am ready."

With that, they got out the car together and stood together holding hands in the sea of photographers taking their photos, reporters asking questions that all mixed with one another and Isak couldn't separate one from another and fans asking to them for selfies.

Yes, he was ready to start this new chapter in his life, with Even. He was ready to fight the other fights that time and life will throw their way. He was ready to love and more than that he was ready to be loved by the man standing beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thanks again to everyone who read it, left kudos and comments. I tried to reply to all the comments but if I missed somehow, thanks again. ❤ 
> 
> There may have been some spelling or grammatical errors. I apologize for that too.  
> So lets conclude this. Comments are always appreciated, people. :)


End file.
